OK storytime. Last night I was talking to E on the phone and she was mentioning that she had to make an important call at 1pm today and hoped she'd remember. She was saying she was going to be busy all morning running errands.
Well, I offered to put a note into my Outlook calendar so that it would pop a reminder onto my screen 15 minutes ahead of time. That way I could call E to give her a heads up. She said that was a great idea since she doesn't even have a watch.
Now fast forward to lunchtime today. I had to run out of my office on an errand at 12:30 so I wasn't at my computer when the reminder popped up at 12:45. Needless to say I didn't make the call.
When I got back into my office around 1:40 I saw the reminder and immediately called to apologize. The first words out of her mouth were "Nice to know I could count on you."
The next thing I did was to ask if she remembered to call, and she said yes she did. I said I was glad she remembered anyway, then explained what happened. She said "Don't worry about it. I'm used to relying on only myself."
On one hand, I wonder if I deserved that. This call was very important. And if she didn't remember to make the call, I would have felt HORRIBLE after offering to remind her. On the other, I don't like that attitude, and while I feel terrible for not calling when I said I would I still think she was over the line. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who's going to attack me like that.
My question to you is this: Am I wrong in feeling like she was being too harsh? Or was I completely irresponsible in forgetting to remind her after I said I would, and I deserved the attitude?
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14 comments:
I think you were the victim of circumstances. Yes, you said you'd remind her, but if I were in her shoes, I'd have considered your offer to be more of a safety net, not the only assurance that the call would get made. It WAS her responsibility to remember. It's unfortunate that you missed the reminder but it wasn't intentional. I think she should have already taken steps to make sure she made the call. My guess is that her reaction, though seemingly harsh, was an over-reaction and once you both have a chance to cool down, you might see it as a learning experience and hopefully not the event that makes or breaks the relationship. Of course, it's your call and only you know whether or not your instincts are right.
(P.S. Thanks for your comment today and I definitely would not mind if you linked to the post at some point if you choose to.)
Aw, come on, you know that if you are going to be involved with a woman, you gotta wear a cup.
Bean says crap like that all the time, but, she doesn't mean it really. But, I never forget to remind her of stuff because my calendar is in my phone. If my phone dies, I die.
I had to remind her when her mother's birthday was, by the way.
Nobody like to take responsibility for their actions these days. Doesn't your word count for anything?
That's exactly it. I'm feeling horrible that I wasn't good to my word.
Yet at the same time, did the punishment fit the crime?
She's storing up points, Joe. That means that she plans to be around a long damn time.
Well, to be fair, if it was that imprtant and you OFFERED, I'd be annoyed I was her, too.
She was probably just venting her frustrations. I wouldn't read to much into it.
Well...if something is truly important to me, I don't forget. I would never claim something to be very important and not take responsibility for it...and I certainly wouldn't blame someone else if I did forget. Then again, I'm a guy who lives alone so what do I know?
I also agree with Two Dogs on the phone reminder. However, if her doesn't have that feature it sounds like a great (insert holiday) gift for her.
One thing is for sure...when an acidic remark like hers is made, it's best to bite your tongue and keep your mouth shut. It's not worth the argument because it's not a fight you could win...or, if you did, you wouldn't gain points by winning.
Best to let it go unless SHE brings it up, then it's time to play the game. hehe "I'd rather not discuss it because I feel terribly and I've been beating myself up all day about how I let you down. I deserved every word you said to me." If that kind of mind-game line doesn't melt her into returning the apology to you then all I can say is "Hmmmmm." :)
Note: My reply isn't concerned with right or wrong or who's to blame. It's about damage control.
Seems a little harsh of a response from her, but then again, that's probably just her emotions talking. Once she calms down about I'm sure she really didn't mean to attack you like that. It was, like Terri said, her job to make the call. Work things come up like that and she has to understand that when you're at work, work tasks take precedence, unless there's a family emergency or something. I think that's only fair. It sounds like there's a lot more behind her words - hurts that maybe you didn't put there, but becasue you are around, she's taking them out on you.
And to make assumptions, terri, brandy, and kate are probably all women and they tell you to wear a cup, too. Figuratively, of course.
My two cents:
On one hand, she may have acted a little harsh, but I am sure she was just venting. I would have done the same thing. However, it would have been MUCH worse had I forgotten to make the call (which I am PRONE to do).
On the other hand, you did offer to remind her even though it isn't your responsibility. You were being kind and thoughtful. You were at work, too, and had stuff to do, also. Stuff happens that is often out of our control. You couldn't help not being there at the right time. She should take that into consideration.
:)
One word: MIDOL
haha...just kidding. It's Friday afternoon and therefore too late for me to be intentionally antagonistic. Had this been Wednesday I would have recommended sucker-punching her at the dinner table that night...haha...but I would only have said that to enrage people so they would flame me on your blog. I have never, nor will I ever, physically or verbally abuse anyone.
I think she over reacted a bit. I agree with Terri that it was her responsibility to make the very important call. I find it awefully nice of you to even offer to help her out. If she was ONLY relying on you for the reminder and nothing else, I am sure she would have told you and you would have put a much higher priority on it but it was just a safety net reminder so I don't think you deserved that comment back. After all you did call right away and apologize...that has to count for something. We all make mistakes and those people who are full of grace are the best ones to be in a relationship with. I will say that it is contagious though so maybe you can turn this around.
My first thought is, she's a grownup for cripe's sake. And if it's such an important call, she SHOULD rely on herself to get it done.
On the other hand (doncha just hate that other hand?), you offered to remind her. I don't think she asked you to, you just offered it and she took you up on it. In that case, you took on that responsibility and didn't follow through.
As far as the "nice to know I could count on you", it matters on the tone. Was it bitchy or playful? I'm guessing bitchy.
Buy her a watch.
Well (and I know I'm a bit late here), you have to look at her history, too. Does she have a history of being with men who let her down? Has she told you about this and let you know how much it means to her that you do what you say and say what you mean?
It sounds like she's hypersensitive to trust issues. I can relate to that. And PITA can definitely relate to you. I've gotten better...MUCH better...because he follows through 99% of the time.
Don't offer if you can't be sure you can follow through. Nothing is worse than a guy who doesn't realize how important trust is.
Did you do anything "horrible"? No...not really. But, you offered, she accepted, and you fell through. She didn't cut off your nose or anything...she snipped at you.
So yes, I think the punishment fits the crime.
Gigs
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