Occasionally at work, someone will have a birthday. In celebration, one of the administrative assistants will buy a cake and a goofy card and we pretend like we don't know that the birthday person knows we have a cake and a card even though we do it for everyone, every year. But, it's an excuse to get away from the desk and computers for a few minutes, so we all play along.
Well, most of you know that my department is almost exclusively women. And when our Vice President is out of town, I'm the lone torch bearer, so to speak. Which is kind of cool on occasion since in each one of these gatherings I get further insight into what women really talk about when guys aren't around. Because at these gatherings somehow I become totally invisible.
It's very enlightening. Take yesterday for example. One of the women, our department wiseass, brought up farts. (I thought only guys talked about those. But I was wrong.)
The conversation started out like this: "Chris and his Dad were working on the house last night when I came home and my whole house stunk. Each one was blaming the other and farting the whole time, 'No, it was him, brrrrrrrrrrrp', Chris calls that 'crop dusting', and I swear, I had to light seven candles. And not for the scent but to ward off the evil spirits escaping their ass. They need to change their diet."
A second woman piped up, "They need a colonic."
A third: "Have you ever seen those things? They always reminded me of-" she stopped very suddenly, all embarressed.
The wiseass egged her on: "What? What? WHAT? Remind you of what?"
"I can't," the third stammered. She looked at the ground as she whispered, "You know. Those things, I was a kid, it was in the shower and I always wondered what it was-"
So the wiseass finished for her: "A douche bag! I know! We had one too! I could not, for the life of me, figure out what the hell that thing was for!"
A couple of the women in the back looked over at me with pitiful stares. The rest were either laughing hysterically, or completely beet red.
But it didn't end there. "Well, that's how they made them back then, And I guess the moms kept them in the shower. Moms should really tell their kids that kind of stuff so, you don't, you know, blow on the tube thing like the bag is a weird balloon, because you have no clue."
Now the rest of the women - even the ones that were laughing - were beet red, yet still trying to laugh.
"Not that I ever did that. Because that would be, eww, that would be, that's just gross. I never did that."
Then while she was looking around satisfied at all the red faces she had created, she suddenly noticed me and remembered I was there too.
She looked at me and said "What? At least we all know my mom had a clean hoo haw!"
So. Who wants my job?
Friday, February 29, 2008
Almost 20 years later...
Anyone remember the Exxon Valdez, the single hulled tanker and it's drunk Captain, which ran aground and caused the 3,000 square mile oil slick that destroyed miles of Alaska's coastline and still affects fisheries after almost 2 decades?
Well, almost 20 years later the punitive damage part of the case has finally reached the Supreme Court. Lower courts have required that Exxon Mobile pay $2.5B to about 32,000 Alaskan fisherman and business, which equates to about $75,000 a piece.
Exxon claims this amounts to excessive punishment. (Nevermind the $2.5B is equal to about 3 weeks of income.) According to the New York Times, if the plaintiffs could just hold on to four votes, they would win the case. Since Justice Alito is not participating because he owns Exxon Mobile stock, a tie would affirm the appeals court’s judgment.
But what is sad is that the case is this close. It is living proof of what people feared when the neo-cons were permitted to appoint Justices to the court. Gone are the rights of the people, and in it's place are the rights of corporations to make profits. In fact yesterday it appeared that Chief Justice Roberts was actually blatantly defending Exxon. During oral arguments, Roberts stopped the plaintiff's attorney to ask “So what can a corporation do to protect itself against punitive-damages awards such as this?”
The lawyer responded “Well, it can hire fit and competent people.” The sound of laughter rippled through the courtroom, and the chief justice did not look amused.
People see through Roberts. He is intellectually dishonest. He rules not as an impartial judge, but as a Republican foot soldier. He does not do the people’s bidding, but instead uses each ruling as an attempt to impose this ideology on the country. His goal is not to serve as judge, but to shape society. He is the ultimate activist judge, installed to a life term in the highest court of the land.
At what point did the health of our planet, our country, the environment, and the well being of our citizens and small businesses take the backseat to big corporate greed? It's truly sad.
Well, almost 20 years later the punitive damage part of the case has finally reached the Supreme Court. Lower courts have required that Exxon Mobile pay $2.5B to about 32,000 Alaskan fisherman and business, which equates to about $75,000 a piece.
Exxon claims this amounts to excessive punishment. (Nevermind the $2.5B is equal to about 3 weeks of income.) According to the New York Times, if the plaintiffs could just hold on to four votes, they would win the case. Since Justice Alito is not participating because he owns Exxon Mobile stock, a tie would affirm the appeals court’s judgment.
But what is sad is that the case is this close. It is living proof of what people feared when the neo-cons were permitted to appoint Justices to the court. Gone are the rights of the people, and in it's place are the rights of corporations to make profits. In fact yesterday it appeared that Chief Justice Roberts was actually blatantly defending Exxon. During oral arguments, Roberts stopped the plaintiff's attorney to ask “So what can a corporation do to protect itself against punitive-damages awards such as this?”
The lawyer responded “Well, it can hire fit and competent people.” The sound of laughter rippled through the courtroom, and the chief justice did not look amused.
People see through Roberts. He is intellectually dishonest. He rules not as an impartial judge, but as a Republican foot soldier. He does not do the people’s bidding, but instead uses each ruling as an attempt to impose this ideology on the country. His goal is not to serve as judge, but to shape society. He is the ultimate activist judge, installed to a life term in the highest court of the land.
At what point did the health of our planet, our country, the environment, and the well being of our citizens and small businesses take the backseat to big corporate greed? It's truly sad.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Be Mine
Be Mine, by David Gray.
K just sent me this song. I never heard it before, but it's now my new favorite.
From the very first moment I saw you
That's when I knew
All the dreams I held in my heart
Had suddenly come true
Knock me over stone cold sober
Not a thing I could say or do
Cause baby when I'm walking with you now
My eyes are so wide
Like you reached right into my head
And turned on the light inside
Turning on the light
Inside my mind... yea...
Come on baby it's all right
Sunday, Monday, day or night
Written blue on white, it's plain to see
Be mine, be mine!
Rainy, shiny, night or day
What's the difference anyway
Honey 'til your heart belongs to me
If I had some influence, girl
With the powers that be
I'd have them fire that arrow at you
Like they fired it right at me
Maybe when your heart and soul are burning
You might see
That every time I'm talking with you
It's always over too soon
That every day feels so incomplete
'Til you walk into the room
Say the word now, girl
I'll jump that moon... yea...
Come on baby it's OK
Rainy, shiny, night or day
There's nothing in the way now
Don't you see
Be mine, be mine!
Winter, summer, day or night
Centigrade or Fahrenheit
Baby 'til your heart belongs to me
Be Mine, Be mine
Thursday, Friday, short or long
When you got a love so strong
How can it be wrong now? Mercy me
Be Mine, Be mine
Jumpin' Jesus, holy cow!
What's the difference anyhow
Baby 'til your heart belongs to me
On fire, my body's on fire, my body's on fire,
My body's on fire, now run to my side, mmm mmm
Be Mine, be mine
K just sent me this song. I never heard it before, but it's now my new favorite.
From the very first moment I saw you
That's when I knew
All the dreams I held in my heart
Had suddenly come true
Knock me over stone cold sober
Not a thing I could say or do
Cause baby when I'm walking with you now
My eyes are so wide
Like you reached right into my head
And turned on the light inside
Turning on the light
Inside my mind... yea...
Come on baby it's all right
Sunday, Monday, day or night
Written blue on white, it's plain to see
Be mine, be mine!
Rainy, shiny, night or day
What's the difference anyway
Honey 'til your heart belongs to me
If I had some influence, girl
With the powers that be
I'd have them fire that arrow at you
Like they fired it right at me
Maybe when your heart and soul are burning
You might see
That every time I'm talking with you
It's always over too soon
That every day feels so incomplete
'Til you walk into the room
Say the word now, girl
I'll jump that moon... yea...
Come on baby it's OK
Rainy, shiny, night or day
There's nothing in the way now
Don't you see
Be mine, be mine!
Winter, summer, day or night
Centigrade or Fahrenheit
Baby 'til your heart belongs to me
Be Mine, Be mine
Thursday, Friday, short or long
When you got a love so strong
How can it be wrong now? Mercy me
Be Mine, Be mine
Jumpin' Jesus, holy cow!
What's the difference anyhow
Baby 'til your heart belongs to me
On fire, my body's on fire, my body's on fire,
My body's on fire, now run to my side, mmm mmm
Be Mine, be mine
Monday, February 25, 2008
Used Teenager for adoption
Cheap. I'll even waive all the fees. Just saying...
GB is grounded for 3 weeks. Behavior modification is required, especially in the area of respect. I'll spare you the details.
GB is grounded for 3 weeks. Behavior modification is required, especially in the area of respect. I'll spare you the details.
Remodeling Update
Yes, the project got underway. The main painting is done, the tile floor is in, (I'm AWESOME!) the light fixtures have been swapped out, the curtains curtain has been changed, the new pictures have been hung, and the rest of the decorating is complete.
What's left to do is painting the baseboards, all the recaulking, and adding a shim under one corner of the bathroom counter that has dropped a quarter inch.
Pictures to follow when everything is complete. And lucky you. I even remembered to take "before" pictures as well!
What's left to do is painting the baseboards, all the recaulking, and adding a shim under one corner of the bathroom counter that has dropped a quarter inch.
Pictures to follow when everything is complete. And lucky you. I even remembered to take "before" pictures as well!
Jimmy Kimmel's Revenge
If you're a fan of either the Jimmy Kimmel show or the Sarah Silverman Show, you're going to enjoy this. Keep an eye out for all the cameos...
Alcohol free Doritos please?
I was reading an interesting article this morning, where Muslims were furious that certain varieties of Doritos contained trace amounts of alchohol.
All I could think about while reading the article was Geez, if you don't like it, don't eat them!! Seriously, if they didn't blow up people who disagreed with them, Muslims would be pretty funny. (If you're a Muslim reading this, please don't blow me up!)
On a semi-related note, Islam isn't all bad. Here are 9 Fatwas we can get behind.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Remodeling Project #1
Brace yourself, I'm planning to do some manual labor! Yes, that's right. Me!
I'm going to redo my master bathroom. I'm going to paint the entire room, repaint the trim, recaulk the tub, toilet, windows, and counters, refloor the room, and swap out the light fixtures. I'm serious!!!
But before you get yourself too worried, I will have some help.
From Martha Stewart.
OK, so it won't really be Martha. But in her place it will be her long lost kid sister, K. Get this, under her guidance we went shopping Tuesday night for all the remodelling supplies and lighting fixtures, plus a complete set of towels new towels, a bathmat, countertop accessories, and a shower curtain to match the new paint color and kept it under my self imposed budget of $125. No shit!!!
I'm keeping this woman.
I'm going to redo my master bathroom. I'm going to paint the entire room, repaint the trim, recaulk the tub, toilet, windows, and counters, refloor the room, and swap out the light fixtures. I'm serious!!!
But before you get yourself too worried, I will have some help.
From Martha Stewart.
OK, so it won't really be Martha. But in her place it will be her long lost kid sister, K. Get this, under her guidance we went shopping Tuesday night for all the remodelling supplies and lighting fixtures, plus a complete set of towels new towels, a bathmat, countertop accessories, and a shower curtain to match the new paint color and kept it under my self imposed budget of $125. No shit!!!
I'm keeping this woman.
Lunar Eclipse
The last total lunar eclipse until 2010 occurred last night, with cameo appearances by Saturn and the bright star Regulus on either side of the veiled full moon.
Supposedly, if you had a telescope you could even see Saturn's rings. Unfortunately I didn't so I missed out on that, but that didn't mean the night was a total loss...
Supposedly, if you had a telescope you could even see Saturn's rings. Unfortunately I didn't so I missed out on that, but that didn't mean the night was a total loss...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
10 Victories in a Row
After Obama swept the Wisconsin and Hawaii primaries yesterday, it gave him 10 straight victories over Hillary - something I did not believe possible only a month ago. And as far as I am concerned, this is GOOD THING (TM) because I am still supporting Obama as the "best of the rest" of the candidates. He is the only one from either side that is truly offering a fresh start to the White House (for better or worse). I will freely admit that I am not convinced yet that Obama is ready for the office. And I will also admit I do not agree with several of his positions on major issues. But it's worth the risk because McCain abandoned his circa-2000 moderate stance and sold his soul to the far right in return for their support. And Clinton sold her soul to all the super-delegates in her attempt to keep up with Obama.
If either of those two win, they will be so beholden to all the favors they promised that nothing but those special interests will be addressed. In fact all those promises had me quite afraid that the Clinton political machine could not be stopped.
My point is that both Clinton and McCain are bought and paid for and offer nothing but more of the same. Can Obama really offer change? I hope so, since he really is our only hope FOR change. And we need change, even if I disagree with some of his political stances. It's more important to clean up the White House than it is to agree on every issue.
As for the other candidates, they simply aren't viable.
Sorry Huckabee, but running on a religious platform in a country that believes in the separation of Church and State is not going to work. Yes, you found yourself a nice niche and have some ardent supporters, but not enough to be mainstream.
Sorry Ron Paul. You honestly had the best platform of any candidate from either party left standing after Super Tuesday. You would have had my vote, but you lacked the backbone to defend yourself from the ridicule that came from being a Republican and a Constitutionalist with an anti-war stance. If you stood up and fought for your beliefs, not only would you have forced the media to listen to you, but you would have proven you could be the strong leader required to be President. Instead you remained meekly in the background and let people like Mitt Romney literally laugh at you during the debates and on the airwaves knowing full well you wouldn't bite back. That's not presidential. That's sad.
Is it possible for me to change my mind and vote for someone else? Absolutely, if Bloomberg decides to run...
If either of those two win, they will be so beholden to all the favors they promised that nothing but those special interests will be addressed. In fact all those promises had me quite afraid that the Clinton political machine could not be stopped.
My point is that both Clinton and McCain are bought and paid for and offer nothing but more of the same. Can Obama really offer change? I hope so, since he really is our only hope FOR change. And we need change, even if I disagree with some of his political stances. It's more important to clean up the White House than it is to agree on every issue.
As for the other candidates, they simply aren't viable.
Sorry Huckabee, but running on a religious platform in a country that believes in the separation of Church and State is not going to work. Yes, you found yourself a nice niche and have some ardent supporters, but not enough to be mainstream.
Sorry Ron Paul. You honestly had the best platform of any candidate from either party left standing after Super Tuesday. You would have had my vote, but you lacked the backbone to defend yourself from the ridicule that came from being a Republican and a Constitutionalist with an anti-war stance. If you stood up and fought for your beliefs, not only would you have forced the media to listen to you, but you would have proven you could be the strong leader required to be President. Instead you remained meekly in the background and let people like Mitt Romney literally laugh at you during the debates and on the airwaves knowing full well you wouldn't bite back. That's not presidential. That's sad.
Is it possible for me to change my mind and vote for someone else? Absolutely, if Bloomberg decides to run...
Friday, February 15, 2008
About Last Night
For all my fans my dedicated readers mom, Valentine's day was absolutely wonderful. Apparently K cancelling the dinner last night because she was sick was never really an option. She spent the entire afternoon preparing. When I got to her house around 6pm, the dining room was decked out to the hilt. The windows were covered with Valentine clingys, the arms of the chandelier over the table had hearts hanging down, and she even made hand-cut hearts that she had spread out all over the table that she made from construction paper.
Oh, and to put all that to shame, she baked an incredible New York Cheesecake from scratch. It was topped with fresh Strawberries and Raspberries and she made a berry glaze with pureed fruit and some strawberry dessert wine.
We spent the early part of the evening in her kitchen talking and cooking. She's an amazing cook. She put me to work dicing the shallots, pulling the thyme leaves off the stems, and taking care of the filets - the menial work. And while I was doing that, she made this incredible hot bacon dressing for the spinach salad, and this mushroom and gorgonzola sauce to pour over the filets. It was one of the best meals I have ever eaten. I'm keeping her!
After dinner, it was still pretty early but we retired to the bedroom anyway. She lit some candles and snuck off to put on some lingerie and while she did that I changed into my red bow from her recipe list. She must have not thought I was going to follow through because I don't think I have ever seen someone laugh so hard in my life. As for the rest of the night, I'll spare you the details.
Oh, and to put all that to shame, she baked an incredible New York Cheesecake from scratch. It was topped with fresh Strawberries and Raspberries and she made a berry glaze with pureed fruit and some strawberry dessert wine.
We spent the early part of the evening in her kitchen talking and cooking. She's an amazing cook. She put me to work dicing the shallots, pulling the thyme leaves off the stems, and taking care of the filets - the menial work. And while I was doing that, she made this incredible hot bacon dressing for the spinach salad, and this mushroom and gorgonzola sauce to pour over the filets. It was one of the best meals I have ever eaten. I'm keeping her!
After dinner, it was still pretty early but we retired to the bedroom anyway. She lit some candles and snuck off to put on some lingerie and while she did that I changed into my red bow from her recipe list. She must have not thought I was going to follow through because I don't think I have ever seen someone laugh so hard in my life. As for the rest of the night, I'll spare you the details.
Doctor's Appointment
I had a doctor's appointment this AM with a Urologist. This was a referral from my regular doctor who tests my liver every three months because I take Lipitor for cholesterol. Well the last two times I was at my regular doctor, my urine test results would come back fine but there was always a touch of blood in there. After the third straight visit with this result, he shipped me off.
So this morning I get to the urologist's office and everything starts as expected. The nurse checks my height, weight, blood pressure, and temperature. Then she has me go pee in a cup and ships me off to an exam room to wait for the doctor. I figure he'd go through the results and the causes and I'll be on my way.
Wrong.
He comes in and says, "I see the blood in the urine your doctor was talking about so I'm going to send it off for DNA analysis and make sure your parents are who they say they are." (Actually, that wasn't exactly what he said they were testing for, but the medical terms are eluding me. I do recall him using the word microanalysis though.)
I say, "OK, that's fine. So what do you think it is?"
He says "I have no idea. Drop your drawers and lets find out."
Umm. Yea... OK.
So I drop my pants and he begins examining me. The first thing he said was "Whoever did your vasectomy seems to have done it quite tight. Has it been affecting your sexual performance at all?"
I told him I wasn't turned on by him if that was what he was asking.
Apparantly that wasn't the correct answer because he told me to turn around and then shoved his entire hand up my butt. "Prostate's fine!" He announced.
The rest of me wasn't anymore though. "A little bit of warning would have been nice!" I responded. Wow. That was an unfun experience.
After telling me everything looked fine, he said he suspected that I have a kidney stone and either it's too small to bother me or I have a really high pain threshold. He said depending on how the results on the urine came back he would send me in for an X-Ray to check for kidney stones. And if that came back negative, we'd have to begin discussion about more unpleasant tests.
"More unpleasant that you shoving your hand up my butt?"
"Yea, how does a camera up your urethra sound?"
"I don't think this relationship is working out as I hoped. I really don't like you very much anymore."
"Nobody does. I'll call you next week with your test results. Here's some tissues, go wipe the lube off your ass..."
So much for a simple doctor's appointment.
So this morning I get to the urologist's office and everything starts as expected. The nurse checks my height, weight, blood pressure, and temperature. Then she has me go pee in a cup and ships me off to an exam room to wait for the doctor. I figure he'd go through the results and the causes and I'll be on my way.
Wrong.
He comes in and says, "I see the blood in the urine your doctor was talking about so I'm going to send it off for DNA analysis and make sure your parents are who they say they are." (Actually, that wasn't exactly what he said they were testing for, but the medical terms are eluding me. I do recall him using the word microanalysis though.)
I say, "OK, that's fine. So what do you think it is?"
He says "I have no idea. Drop your drawers and lets find out."
Umm. Yea... OK.
So I drop my pants and he begins examining me. The first thing he said was "Whoever did your vasectomy seems to have done it quite tight. Has it been affecting your sexual performance at all?"
I told him I wasn't turned on by him if that was what he was asking.
Apparantly that wasn't the correct answer because he told me to turn around and then shoved his entire hand up my butt. "Prostate's fine!" He announced.
The rest of me wasn't anymore though. "A little bit of warning would have been nice!" I responded. Wow. That was an unfun experience.
After telling me everything looked fine, he said he suspected that I have a kidney stone and either it's too small to bother me or I have a really high pain threshold. He said depending on how the results on the urine came back he would send me in for an X-Ray to check for kidney stones. And if that came back negative, we'd have to begin discussion about more unpleasant tests.
"More unpleasant that you shoving your hand up my butt?"
"Yea, how does a camera up your urethra sound?"
"I don't think this relationship is working out as I hoped. I really don't like you very much anymore."
"Nobody does. I'll call you next week with your test results. Here's some tissues, go wipe the lube off your ass..."
So much for a simple doctor's appointment.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope you and yours are all doing something special.
As for me, it's a bit up in the air at the moment since K has been sick. She went home from work on Monday and hasn't been back to the office since. She left me a note this morning that she felt worse this morning and is headed to the doctor. So we'll see how it goes. If she's feeling better, we have plans for me to cook her dinner tonight. We made those plans last week and as soon as I told her what I wanted to do, she sent me a grocery list:
2 filet mignons
container of dried porcini mushrooms
6 shallots
fresh thyme leaves
1/4 cup dry white wine - bottle of chardonnay.
small container of Gorgonzola cheese
bag of spinach for salad
bottle of merlot
small bag of walnuts
you wearing nothing but a red bow
I don't know whether to be insulted that she didn't trust me not to make Mac & Cheese, or to be thrilled she knows me so well! (I'll go with the latter!) Anyway, hopefully she's feeling better. Otherwise we'll have to do it some other night.
Cheers everyone, and once again: Happy Valentine's Day!
As for me, it's a bit up in the air at the moment since K has been sick. She went home from work on Monday and hasn't been back to the office since. She left me a note this morning that she felt worse this morning and is headed to the doctor. So we'll see how it goes. If she's feeling better, we have plans for me to cook her dinner tonight. We made those plans last week and as soon as I told her what I wanted to do, she sent me a grocery list:
2 filet mignons
container of dried porcini mushrooms
6 shallots
fresh thyme leaves
1/4 cup dry white wine - bottle of chardonnay.
small container of Gorgonzola cheese
bag of spinach for salad
bottle of merlot
small bag of walnuts
you wearing nothing but a red bow
I don't know whether to be insulted that she didn't trust me not to make Mac & Cheese, or to be thrilled she knows me so well! (I'll go with the latter!) Anyway, hopefully she's feeling better. Otherwise we'll have to do it some other night.
Cheers everyone, and once again: Happy Valentine's Day!
McCain votes against Waterboarding Ban
Yesterday, the Senate brought the Intelligence Authorization Bill to the floor, which contained a provision establishing one interrogation standard across the government. The bill requires the intelligence community to abide by the same standards as articulated in the Army Field Manual and specifically bans waterboarding.
The Senate voted in favor of the bill, but McCain (who in the past has spoken strongly in favor of implementing the Army Field Manual standard) when confronted with the decision of whether to stick with his conscience or cave to the right wing, chose to ditch his principles and instead vote to preserve waterboarding.
President Bush is likely to veto this bill under the guise that it would prevent the president from taking the lawful actions necessary to protect Americans from attack in wartime. And after the veto, McCain will again be confronted with a vote to either stand with President Bush or stand against torture. He indicated with his vote today where he will come down on that issue.
John McCain: He was against torture before he was for it.
The Senate voted in favor of the bill, but McCain (who in the past has spoken strongly in favor of implementing the Army Field Manual standard) when confronted with the decision of whether to stick with his conscience or cave to the right wing, chose to ditch his principles and instead vote to preserve waterboarding.
President Bush is likely to veto this bill under the guise that it would prevent the president from taking the lawful actions necessary to protect Americans from attack in wartime. And after the veto, McCain will again be confronted with a vote to either stand with President Bush or stand against torture. He indicated with his vote today where he will come down on that issue.
John McCain: He was against torture before he was for it.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Is this racism?
Put aside for a moment the policies of each candidate, or what party they represent. Just look at these numbers. Here is a race where two candidates are polling just about 50/50 along ethnic lines, except for the African American community. (The numbers were too low to show, but both the Asian and the Other categories were also almost exactly 50/50.)
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Ron Paul will not back John McCain
"I can not support anybody with the foreign policy he advocates — you know, perpetual war…I think it’s un-American, unconstitutional, immoral, and not Republican," Paul said.
I love it when Republicans actually make sense...
I love it when Republicans actually make sense...
Monday, February 11, 2008
Tales from the Far Side
Joe's first observation while playing paintball: 6 foot, 2 inch tall guys that weigh 240 pounds make for a big target and may have trouble hiding behind a tree. Joe's second observation: Skinny little 13 year old kids don't seem to have this problem.
GB's birthday party on Saturday went really well. The kids all had a blast, and at the end of the day every one of us headed home covered in paintball paint. My only regret from the party was that I never did get to shoot GB - the kid ran and hid from me. (He did get taken out by his little sister though, much to the amusement of his friends.)
-----
Yesterday was GB's actual birthday so Barbie and I took him out to dinner. Right before dinner Barbie and I discussed the final details of his "gift". We are going to open him up his own bank account. When we decided to do this, the point behind it was to teach him to manage and save his own money. I was left with the impression that meant Barbie and I would split the required $100 opening deposit. But at the restaurant, Barbie said to me that she was putting in $250 and wanted to know if I was going to match it.
Umm... well there's a no-win situation. If I stuck to my guns and said the "gift" was to teach him about responsibility, then I would be told how I was being cheap and it would make the rounds to her family how I had disappointed her yet again. However, if I gave in and matched her deposit, we would be giving him more money than he's ever had before which would totally defeat the purpose of this gift.
Let me clarify myself that I have no problem with Barbie giving him money for his Birthday. But don't ruin the lesson in the process. And don't blindside me with the change of plans.
Well, I did stick to my guns. I said that I wanted the present to be a true life lesson and that I was going to only put in $50. I then suggested that if she had budgeted $250, maybe she could match my $50 for the deposit and then spend the other $200 on something else for GB. That didn't go over with Barbie, so GB is starting up his account with an initial balance of $300. I take solace in the fact that GB is making out like a bandit...
-----
In other news, I'm thinking it's about time to start talking a bit more about K. Things are going extremely well - we have a connection that I have to admit is much deeper than with any relationship I have ever experienced before. And yes, that includes my relationship with Barbie which happened to be very good for many years...
I have spent more true quality time with K since Christmas than I have over any 6 month period with any other woman. Since coming back from NY, our relationship just took off. We've been together for at least a little while almost every single day. If we're not at my place or hers, we're out somewhere in the evening. And if that can't happen, we're matching up our work schedules so we can meet for lunch. Finally on those rare days when we aren't together, we'll end up on the phone for hours instead. We just can't seem to get enough of each other, there is just something unbelievably special about falling asleep with her in my arms and waking up to her smiling face in the morning.
We have the same outlook on just about everything. (Well, except for politics. She's a Republican, I'm an Independant. At least she was never for Romney.) We can finish each other's thoughts. We are able communicate our wants, needs, and desires to each other effortlessly - including the prospects and direction of our relationship.
To make it even better all the kids get along great and are asking about the next time they can hang out. All this has led to a conversation I didn't anticipate having anytime soon. But nevertheless we've had it, and to neither of our surprise we were in complete agreement. Sparing you most of the details, the conversation was one where we discussed the idea of getting a place together sometime in the near future, what that would mean for the kids, and what kind of commitment we would need to make to each other for us to succeed.
No, we're not engaged. No, our houses aren't on the market. But if things continue down the path they are now, one or both of those could change by the summer. She is that special, she has completely captured my heart, and I am madly in love with her...
GB's birthday party on Saturday went really well. The kids all had a blast, and at the end of the day every one of us headed home covered in paintball paint. My only regret from the party was that I never did get to shoot GB - the kid ran and hid from me. (He did get taken out by his little sister though, much to the amusement of his friends.)
-----
Yesterday was GB's actual birthday so Barbie and I took him out to dinner. Right before dinner Barbie and I discussed the final details of his "gift". We are going to open him up his own bank account. When we decided to do this, the point behind it was to teach him to manage and save his own money. I was left with the impression that meant Barbie and I would split the required $100 opening deposit. But at the restaurant, Barbie said to me that she was putting in $250 and wanted to know if I was going to match it.
Umm... well there's a no-win situation. If I stuck to my guns and said the "gift" was to teach him about responsibility, then I would be told how I was being cheap and it would make the rounds to her family how I had disappointed her yet again. However, if I gave in and matched her deposit, we would be giving him more money than he's ever had before which would totally defeat the purpose of this gift.
Let me clarify myself that I have no problem with Barbie giving him money for his Birthday. But don't ruin the lesson in the process. And don't blindside me with the change of plans.
Well, I did stick to my guns. I said that I wanted the present to be a true life lesson and that I was going to only put in $50. I then suggested that if she had budgeted $250, maybe she could match my $50 for the deposit and then spend the other $200 on something else for GB. That didn't go over with Barbie, so GB is starting up his account with an initial balance of $300. I take solace in the fact that GB is making out like a bandit...
-----
In other news, I'm thinking it's about time to start talking a bit more about K. Things are going extremely well - we have a connection that I have to admit is much deeper than with any relationship I have ever experienced before. And yes, that includes my relationship with Barbie which happened to be very good for many years...
I have spent more true quality time with K since Christmas than I have over any 6 month period with any other woman. Since coming back from NY, our relationship just took off. We've been together for at least a little while almost every single day. If we're not at my place or hers, we're out somewhere in the evening. And if that can't happen, we're matching up our work schedules so we can meet for lunch. Finally on those rare days when we aren't together, we'll end up on the phone for hours instead. We just can't seem to get enough of each other, there is just something unbelievably special about falling asleep with her in my arms and waking up to her smiling face in the morning.
We have the same outlook on just about everything. (Well, except for politics. She's a Republican, I'm an Independant. At least she was never for Romney.) We can finish each other's thoughts. We are able communicate our wants, needs, and desires to each other effortlessly - including the prospects and direction of our relationship.
To make it even better all the kids get along great and are asking about the next time they can hang out. All this has led to a conversation I didn't anticipate having anytime soon. But nevertheless we've had it, and to neither of our surprise we were in complete agreement. Sparing you most of the details, the conversation was one where we discussed the idea of getting a place together sometime in the near future, what that would mean for the kids, and what kind of commitment we would need to make to each other for us to succeed.
No, we're not engaged. No, our houses aren't on the market. But if things continue down the path they are now, one or both of those could change by the summer. She is that special, she has completely captured my heart, and I am madly in love with her...
Friday, February 8, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Tales from the Bathroom Stall
I was visiting the restroom this afternoon and there was this old gentleman at the urinal next to me. And he was leaning so far forward he was resting his head on the wall in front of him.
If he wasn't actually taking a leak, I'd have thought he might have fallen asleep...
If he wasn't actually taking a leak, I'd have thought he might have fallen asleep...
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Bubba the Mortician
A man who just died is delivered to a West Virginia mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Bubba the mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed.
He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She gives Bubba a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."
The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to Bubba, "Whatever the cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"
To her astonishment, Bubba presents her with the blank check.
"Ain't no charge," he says.
"No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.
"Honestly, ma'am," Bubba says, "it didn't cost me nothin. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So, I just switched the heads."
He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She gives Bubba a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."
The woman returns the next day for the viewing. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to Bubba, "Whatever the cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"
To her astonishment, Bubba presents her with the blank check.
"Ain't no charge," he says.
"No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.
"Honestly, ma'am," Bubba says, "it didn't cost me nothin. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So, I just switched the heads."
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Super Sunday
There weren't too many people that went into the Super Bowl "knowing" the Giants were going to win the game. I was one of those people. Most of my family was also included in that group. As was the Giants online fanclub BBI.
I know what you're thinking. How could you possibly know? The Giants were playing the Patriots. The 18-0 Patriots. The Patriot team that was seriously being called the greatest team ever.
Well, the Patriots didn't have my dad. The Giants were barely a .500 team when he died back in October. His loss not only affected his family, his friends, and the New York Giant community, it actually reached the team offices. At the party we held in his honor, there was a letter written by coach Tom Coughlin. Some of his ashes were taken up to the Meadowlands. I don't know if they made it onto the field, but it really doesn't matter. What matters is that this very mediocre team stopped losing. They won every single game on the road this season. And that's important because all of their playoff games were on the road. Including Super Bowl 42. 42 - The year he was born.
So yes, while everyone was claiming New England was a two touchdown favorite and destined for history as the only undefeated team ever in a 16 game season, I knew better. I knew there were other factors in play.
And I was right.
I know what you're thinking. How could you possibly know? The Giants were playing the Patriots. The 18-0 Patriots. The Patriot team that was seriously being called the greatest team ever.
Well, the Patriots didn't have my dad. The Giants were barely a .500 team when he died back in October. His loss not only affected his family, his friends, and the New York Giant community, it actually reached the team offices. At the party we held in his honor, there was a letter written by coach Tom Coughlin. Some of his ashes were taken up to the Meadowlands. I don't know if they made it onto the field, but it really doesn't matter. What matters is that this very mediocre team stopped losing. They won every single game on the road this season. And that's important because all of their playoff games were on the road. Including Super Bowl 42. 42 - The year he was born.
So yes, while everyone was claiming New England was a two touchdown favorite and destined for history as the only undefeated team ever in a 16 game season, I knew better. I knew there were other factors in play.
And I was right.
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