Friday, September 26, 2008

Hey look! McCain already won the debate!

(Nevermind that it's not until tonight...)



This little gem was found on McCain's own website up until about an hour ago. In it lies the single greatest piece of evidence that the McCain team is living in their own little fantasy world that they make up as they go along.

Neither he, nor Palin have a freaking clue.

UPDATE! He's been SELLING that ad around the internet. Check out this screenshot from the Wall Street Journal:



Apparantly, there's more.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Joe vs. the Velociraptor

I could survive for 1 minute, 51 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Personally, I think the results are a little off. By my calculations the Velociraptor would only survive for around 43 seconds chainded to a bunk bed with me! The trick is to get up on the top bunk so you drop an atomic elbow on the bastard, and then finish him off with a Jimmy Superfly Snuka Splash...

Not another political post...

Sorry for this, but I just read the Paulson's bailout plan that Bush is supposed to be talking about tonight. And buried in the middle of it is this little gem:

Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.

If I am reading this right, this bailout plan - which will transfer $700 billion taxpayer dollars to purchase the distressed assets of several failed financial institutions - will be conducted in a manner unchallengeable by courts and ungovernable by congress in any fashion. All decision-making power will be consolidated into the Executive Branch - who, as plain as day, will have the incentive to act upon this privilege as quickly as possible, before they leave office. The measure will run up the budget deficit by a significant amount, with no guarantee of recouping the outlay, and no fundamental means of holding those who fail to do so accountable.

That's outrageous! It includes no oversight for Paulson at all. He plans to retain Wall Street firms as advisors to decide just how to cut deals to value and mop up Wall Street's dubious paper. There are to be no limits on executive compensation for the firms that get relief, and no equity share for the government in exchange for this massive infusion of capital.

As Bloomberg said about the McBush policies: "Privatize the profits. Socialize the debt."

What's up with that? I simply don't get it and my college degree was in both Political Science and Economics. There is no other way around the fact that Section 8 of Paulson's plan is a singularly transformative sentence of economic policy. It transfers a significant amount of power to the Executive Branch, while walling off any avenue for oversight, and offering no guarantees in return. And if congress ends up content with winning a few slight concessions, they risk not putting a stop-payment on the real "blank check" - the one in which they allow the erosion of their own powers.

Scary stuff...

Monday, September 22, 2008

An eye in the sky

We've got some new entertainment in our little cul-de-sac. As most of you know, we just moved into a new house in a new neighborhood. We've met quite a number of the neighbors on our street, and they're great. It's quite a diverse group. There's a wide range of careers, backgrounds, and ethnicities represented. And quite a lot of kids and pets. Our little cul-de-sac seems to have evolved into the perfect snapshot of America.

Now enter the freaks. And apparantly they are taking the picture.

The week after we moved in, a young couple moved into the house across the cul-de-sac from us. It was the final house in the area and we were all waiting to meet them as well.

Except they never came out.

Unless it was when they bolted out the door when their next door neighbor started up his lawnmower. They ran right up to him to show him exactly where the property line was so he didn't accidentally mow their lawn. (When we heard this, several of us offered to let him mow our lawns instead...)

Or unless it was when they were getting into their car, backing out of their driveway, and then barrelling down the road at 55mph to the stopsign. And then off to who knows where.

That last one pissed me off since I happened to be standing by my mailbox taking out the trash for one occurance. She didn't miss me by more than the width of her sideview mirror. So the next time I saw them, I confronted them. I told them they can't be driving like that, there's 20-25 kids that live around here, and 4 of them are mine. They tried to defend themselves by first apologizing, and then saying the kids were unsupervised, wandering freely. I quickly shot back, first of all, mine aren't, and that doesn't excuse you driving like you do. They then tried to say "and there are lots of dogs roaming around too." I once again said "Mine's not. Stay on task here. Speed limit is 15, not 55. Don't do it again." And I walked away.

What the hell? What did this young guy and his fiance expect when moving into a cul-de-sac with big homes? Parents seek out cul-de-sacs with big homes when they need the space for children and pets and want to let their kids play outside without the fear of speeding cars.

Anyway, I did my good deed for the day.

But then it gets stranger. These same neighbors installed a pair of video cameras on the front of their house, and apparantly one in the back. These aren't the standard still cameras that point at your front door watching for any activity. They are clearly high end motion-sensitive. If you walk down the road in front of their driveway or house, the cameras follow you.

That's just weird. And against the homeowner's policy. One of our other neighbors was so bothered by this she confronted them. They told her that they get "expensive packages" delivered from UPS and while they didn't think anyone was going to mess with them, they just wanted protection.

Sorry, not buying it. If they wanted to watch their front door, then point the camera at your porch, not the street. They don't need to be watching people walk up and down the road. Especially children. Who knows what kind of pervs they are?

Furthermore, their driveway - and hence their cameras - point at our house. Specifically they point towards our Master Bedroom and Bathroom windows. Who knows if they are watching us? (If they are, K said she wants a copy of the tape for our collection, but that's another story.)

OK, she didn't say that. And she'll probably kick my ass now.

But the bottom line is that it's weird. And it needs to go away. There are already 6 homeowners that have called to complain. And we've sent in a certified letter.

However, until it happens K and I were talking about a way to have fun with this. To make it known the neighbors aren't happy with them and their spying. So we decided that each night for a week we are going to do something different for their viewing entertainment.

Night #1: All of the neighbors are going to line up in front of their driveway and do dances like the Macarena and the electric slide for an hour.

Night #2: All the neighbors are going to walk the streets like zombies with their arms outstretched.

Night #3: We are going to all stare back. We are going to bring out every telescope and binocular and camcorder we can find, line them up in front of their house, and aim them back at them.

Night #4: We are all going to wear pantyhose on our head and pretend we're sneaking around to steal something.

Night #5: We are all going to ride bicycles up and down the road.

Night #6: We are going to wear women's clothes

and Night #7: We are going to dress in military camoflauge, set up a giant bunker, arm ourselves with Nerf guns, and lay seige to their property.

How long do you think it will take before they get the point? :)

Warning: Political Post ahead!

I'm scared. I'm scared because Sarah Palin is very likeable, even with her whiney , squeaky voice (as K keeps pointing out.) She was very, very good at the GOP convention. She came across as an attractive woman, a mother, a righteous Christian, and a victim all at once. The best quote I have heard to explain this came from Newsweek: "If anyone could make Christian theocracy smell like apple pie, Sarah Palin could."

But then Sarah Palin met Charles Gibson. And that was enough to scare anyone with a brain. She doesn't quite get the problem she poses to the health and safety of this country. No matter how bad she stumbles between now and election day, all her supporters will blame the media for blindsiding her, or the "Liberal Elites" for picking on her. Now I'm not a liberal, but dammit, I don't see anything wrong with wanting only a well-educated person to be given command of our military, our economy, and our nuclear arsenal.

Ask yourself: how has "elitism" become a bad word in American politics? There is simply no other walk of life in which extraordinary talent and rigorous training are denigrated. We want elite pilots to fly our planes, elite troops to man our military, elite athletes to represent us in competition and elite scientists to devote the most productive years of their lives to curing disease. And yet, when it comes time to vest people with even greater responsibilities, we consider it a virtue to shun any and all standards of excellence. When it comes to choosing the people whose thoughts and actions will decide the fates of millions, then we suddenly want someone just like us, someone fit to have a beer with, someone down-to-earth—in fact, almost anyone, provided that he or she doesn't seem too intelligent or well educated.

Come on people, how can Sarah Palin possibly be qualified to deal with the foreign policy challenges and responsibilies that may come her way? Hell, even though she could "see Russia from her window", she didn't even have a passport until last year! In fact, when she was talking to Charles Gibson, Palin actually said that Alaska's geographical proximity to Russia gave her some essential foreign-policy experience. That is just... wow.

Palin may very well be someone most of America would love to go have a beer with. And she may be a fantastic mother and a great American success story—but she is a beauty queen and ex-sports reporter who stumbled into small-town politics, and who is now on the verge of stumbling into, literally, world history. Again, the problem as I see it is that half of the electorate of this country actually things that Palin's lack of experience or qualifications is a plus. The McCain camp and the rest of the GOP pump out the cheers of "They think they're better than you!" and that "Sarah Palin is an ordinary person!" Like that's a good thing. Like mediocrity, when it comes to leading this country, is a good thing.

The redneck brigade, and yes I live in the heart of it around here - these are my neighbors, regularly makes statements like "I'm voting for Sarah because she's a mom. She knows what it's like to be a mom." And it scares the crap out of me because it suggest such an obvious detachment from the real problems of today. Whomever wins this election must immediately confront issues like nuclear proliferation, ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (and covert wars elsewhere), global warming, our failing economy, Russian belligerence, the rise of China, emerging epidemics, Islamism everywhere, a powerless United Nations, the deterioration of American schools, failures of energy, infrastructure and Internet security … the list is long, and Sarah Palin does not seem competent even to rank these items in order of importance, much less address any one of them.

The bottom line is that what is so scary about the candidacy of Sarah Palin is the degree to which she represents the combination of confidence and ignorance. Watching her deny to Gibson that she had ever harbored the slightest doubt about her readiness to take command of the world's only superpower, one got the feeling that Palin would gladly assume any responsibility on earth. When asked why she is qualified to shoulder more responsibility than any person has held in human history, Palin cites her refusal to hesitate: "You can't blink," she told Gibson over and over again, as though the fate of the world rests on the outcome of a staring contest. Let us hope that a President Palin would blink, again and again, while more thoughtful people decide the fate of civilization...

Friday, September 19, 2008

Yawning may boost brain's alertness

Yawning is good for you. It says so here:
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19426104.400-yawning-may-boost-brains-alertness.html

And on a semi-related note, I wasn't yawning last night. I was stretching my jaw. If I WAS yawning, my brain would have had boosted alertness and I wouldn't have yawned anyway.

So, the bottom line is there was no yawning going on anywhere. Regardless of what she says.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

It amazes me...

... that people can stand there and look you in the eye and say that McCain is the better choice when it comes to fixing the economy. He flip-flops more than John Kerry ever did, and it's all because he doesn't have a clue:

---

John McCain this summer: "Economics is not something I've understood as well as I should"
John McCain yesterday: "My experience and leadership are necessary in a “time of crisis.”"

---

John McCain, Jan 2008: "Americans are better off now than they were eight years ago."
John McCain, Jun 2008: "We're worse off than we were four years ago."

---

John McCain, two days ago: "The fundamentals of our economy are strong."
John McCain, yesterday: "We're in a "total crisis" created by Wall Street greed."

---

John McCain, the past 8 years: Creating, promoting, and embracing legislation to broadly deregulate the banking and insurance industries, and sweep aside a thicket of rules established over decades in favor of a less restricted financial marketplace that proponents said would result in greater economic growth.
John McCain, today: Recasting himself as a champion of regulation to end "reckless conduct, corruption and unbridled greed" on Wall Street.

----

There's more, but why bother. It's plain as day.

What is it about coffee?

Why is it that I can sit at my desk all day drinking water and/or soda and never have to use the restroom, but if I have a half-cup of coffee in the morning by the time I get to the office I have to push people out of the way so I don't pee my pants. And then I'm back and forth to the bathroom the rest of the day.

I don't get it.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Guess That Injury...

Joe has had a rough week. In the course of 5 days, Joe has suffered a tremendously inflamed lower lip, several horrible burning rashes, and a gash in his chest that required 8 stitches to close. To make Joe feel better, Joe is going to refer to himself in the 3rd person for the remainder of this post. Joe also wants to see if you can guess the causes of each of his traumas.

Question #1 - How did Joe get the biggest fat lip in history?
A. K popped Joe in the face for copping an unexpected feel
B. Joe was bit by a baby Black Widow that crawled into his mouth
C. Joe was experimenting (poorly) with Botox injections
D. Joe was hit by a homemade blow-dart shot through GB's musical recorder
E. Joe had an allergic reaction to K's Fettucini Alfredo

Question #2 - What was the source of Joe's rashes?
A. Joe was planting shrubbery in the backyard and caught poison ivy
B. Joe was attacked by an army of Red Imported Fire Ants
C. Joe caught small pox while visiting Barbie's new house
D. Joe accidentally used some of DQ's excema cream instead of Ben Gay on his back ache.
E. Joe had an allergic reaction to K's Fettucini Alfredo

Question #3 - How did Joe end up with 8 stitches on his chest?
A. Joe was attacked by ninjas with throwing stars
B. Joe had a malignant melanoma cut from his torso
C. Joe tripped on a dog bone, fell down the stairs, and landed on a set of keys
D. Joe got bit by a baby ball python while visiting PetSmart
E. Joe was accidentally stabbed with a kitchen knife by T2

The correct answer to each of the questions was "B".

The spider bite occurred while hanging out at the neighbor's drinking beer on Saturday evening. The spider must have crawled onto a beer bottle and then found it's way into Joe's mouth.

The fire ants were in our garage after Joe had sprayed to keep them out of the new house. The ants had discovered an open bag of bird seed sitting in a crate and were rather upset when Joe unwittingly moved the bag out of the garage to clean up.

The malignant melanoma was cut out as a precaution when Joe's annual trip to the dermatologist determined a particular mole was showing signs of early skin cancer. Joe decided to have them remove the entire area to be on the safe side.

As you can see, Joe has had a rough week. (But the house is looking good! K rocks!)

Sarah Palin / Hillary Clinton Joint Appearance!



I love Saturday Night Live!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Greatest Dog Ever

I don't know whether or not I have blogged about this or not, but K has a dog named Lefty. He's a boxer mix, and pretty good size. He's very good natured and completely non aggressive.

While I've always liked her dog, last night I realized just how smart and cool he could be.

As a background to this story, you must understand that her son, T1, is responsible for taking the dog out as needed. That's one of his "jobs," along with pooper scooping the yard, to earn extra allowance money. It's been his job for about 3 years now.

Well yesterday T1 forgot to take the dog out. All day. From the time T1 had gotten home around 3 until he crawled into bed at 11 the dog had not gone out.

So last night, K and I were working in DQ's room getting the furniture arranged and doing some general organization. Lefty had been in the room with us hanging out and apparantly his bladder had enough.

So he got up and walked out of the room. Not 30 seconds later we hear T1 yelling "Oh my god! What the hell??? What are you doing???"

Lefty had hopped up on T1's bed and peed right on him.

I think I pulled a rib muscle laughing so hard. K tried to maintain a straight face consoling T1, but once he walked away, she busted out laughing herself.

I love her dog.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

We woulda been done by now...

... but several hours of this weekend were spent in the ER. No, not for me. I didn't cut my foot off with any sort of power tools or anything like that. It was for DQ.

On Saturday we had a soccer practice and she was in goal. At one point during a drill one of the girls took a full-on shot from about 8 feet away which DQ punched away. It was a great save, but she let out a really loud scream afterwards. As the coach, I saw it happen and it didn't look so bad so did a quick assessment check - she could move her fingers and wrist, there was no immediate swelling, etc. - and had her go sit on the side with some ice.

I checked on her a few times and she said it still hurt but there wasn't any swelling so I kept it on ice. Practice lasted 15 minutes or so longer, and when I finished packing up all the equipment I did one final check and did see some signs of swelling. So I decided to take her to a local Urgent Care center that had an X-Ray machine. We showed up at their door at 5:05pm but they said they closed at 5pm and refused to see her. So much for the Hippocratic oath. There's a kid on their doorstep in pain and they refuse to see her. Bastages. We won't be going back to that one.

So we got back into the truck and drove to another Urgent Care center, also closed. Then a third. Finally we determined the only way to get her seen was to go to the ER and face the wait there. We get to the hospital around 5:45 and walk into the ER. The place was a madhouse. It was dark, dirty, and there were about 40 people in the waiting room in various states of well-being. And about another 40 or so sitting next to the infirmed looking bored to death. Great, it's going to be a LONG night...

I get up to the registration desk and the woman says "No take her next door to the "Children's Emergency room." So we wander next door into this Chuck E Cheese-esque lobby, complete with video games and about a half dozen oversized plasma TVs playing Disney movies. And there wasn't a soul in the place.

Ahh this is much more like it. Barbie showed up - with her Ken - to give me DQ's insurance card since I only had an old one. Then she left to go on a date with him somewhere. (Side Note: If DQ had been with Barbie, I wouldn't have left. I would have stuck around to make sure she was OK.) So we sat down to wait. About 5 minutes later DQ gets called back for Triage. A nurse took her temperature and blood pressure, and when she was done DQ asked her what was wrong. Before the nurse could answer, I interjected "They are going to need to amputate your arm at the elbow." DQ shot this worried look at the nurse, who promptly pointed to DQ's 117/79 Blood Pressure and said "That's what the numbers say..."

After we were finished in Triage, we headed back to the waiting room. I knew her arm must have really been hurting because she skipped the video games since she wouldn't be able to hold the controllers. As we sat down, the big screen TV started playing the movie "Underdog".

When it ended. Yes, take that in. When the movie ended, there were about a dozen other kids in the waiting room yet we still hadn't called back. Shortly thereafter we did get called back, and we promptly sat in an exam room through half the movie Cinderella before getting called into X-Ray.

X-Ray was cool though. The entire room was painted like outerspace complete with special glow in the dark paint and purple lights. And when you walked in they handed you some 3-D glasses to complete the effect. Very cool. The X-Rays themselves didn't take too long and we were escorted back to the exam room to await the radiologist to look at the film. And we waited, through the end of Cinderella, and then the first half of the Illinois/Missouri football game. (Go Illini!).

When they finally got back to us, they broke the news that DQ had two small stress fractures, one at the wrist and the other at the elbow. They also said they saw some possible ligament damage that may require therapy or possibly surgery. Just great.

To wrap up the night, they casted her arm up around the elbow and halfway to her shoulder, stuck it in a sling and sent us on our way. After about another 35 minute wait for discharge papers...

We have an appointment with the Orthopedist tomorrow for a more thorough exam and I'll have more details then. I'll keep you posted.

Anyway, needless to say I didn't get much unpacking done Saturday night.