Yesterday was a day I was looking forward to for quite a while. It was the day I was going to teach SON how to use the lawnmower and it was going to become one of his new chores. In return, he would be handing off litter box duty (doody) to DAUGHTER. So he was excited, and I was excited, and DAUGHTER... well, not so much.
We headed out around 9am, before the temperature broke 100 degress. Nevermind that it had already broken 90. And this seemed to be a popular idea since several of our neighbors were outside doing the same thing. So we get out the lawnmower - it's just a self-propelled push mower so it's not the highest tech of equipment he's ever seen. He stands there next to me and I show him the pull string, plus the only two controls he's going to need. Basically, you squeeze the two handlebars together to keep the motor running, and you pull the trigger to get the wheels moving. This explaination was a twenty minute process as I had to explain everything at least 5 times over. The lost look on his face about how to work the mower was a direct contrast to his mastery over anything electronic. Especially if said electronic equipment has a screen and/or a joystick attached.
So I gave up and said I'd just SHOW him. I started it up, did a quick run against the fence to get the edge and asked him if he's got it. He said yes, so I shut the mower down and said "OK, your turn".
He said "What did you turn it off for? Now I gotta start it up again!"
I said "Exactly! Show me what you know."
Anyway, he got it started (finally) and said he was ready. I told him to make stripes up and down the lawn so that when he was finished he wouldn't have missed anything. He said OK, and off he went... So I went to go head inside to make sure I didn't have cat litter across my living room. I made it about 5 steps before the mower shut off.
What's wrong?
"I didn't do it!" he said.
"Didn't do what?" I asked.
"Make it stop" he said.
It was out of gas. So I grabbed the gas can, only to discover that was out of gas too. Have I mentioned one of the endless joys of living where I do is that the closest gas station is 10 minutes away? And it's one of those 1950's places with the antique pumps with spin dial metering and no credit card reader? And it's not open on Sundays?.
So we take the 1/2 hour round trip hike to the gas station to fill up our little red container. Of course we spill a little bit so the container smells like gas even after we wipe it off. And my hands smell like gas even though I was holding a paper towel while cleaning it up. And my trunk smells like gas because I had the container back there for the ride home.
Once back, I filled the mower and he was off again. Then I went inside to check the litter box damage. It wasn't any worse than before I left, but that was most likely because DAUGHTER came along for the ride.
15 minutes later, SON comes in and tells me he's done. I go out to check only to discover I now have crop circles.
"What happened to going in straight lines like I asked?"
"There were some roots in the way, I didn't want to run them over."
"I told you we have some roots in the lawn from the tree, but they are very low and I have the mower set high enough that it's not going to hit them."
"Ohhhhh... that's what you meant."
"OK, get back to it."
Another 15 minutes later and SON come back in and tells me he's done again. This time it's much better. The crop circles are gone, but there is one big square that hasn't been mowed.
"Overall, you did a pretty good job, but you missed a big spot over there."
"Oh that spot didn't need to be mowed..."
"If it didn't need to be mowed, how would I know you missed it?"
"uhh....."
"Go finish up."
"awww........"
Five minutes later he comes in again. "I'm done, I put the mower away, It's hot out, I'm sweaty, and I quit."
"But You forgot the backyard!"
"What's the number for the child abuse hotline again?"
Actually, he did a pretty good job with the lawn. And I had intended to do the backyard myself the whole time because we have lots of bushes and it's fenced so it's hard to get the mower everywhere it needs to go. I figured I'd start him off slow.
So now it's 100 degrees out and all our neighbors have put their mowers away and gone to the pool. And I'm out back just getting started. And I haven't mentioned that our backyard has one other annoying quality: The grass grows, quickly, even in our drought without being watered. There aren't many places by us that still have green grass. But my backyard happens to be one of them. I've got lush underbrush back there...
Anyway, I'm mowing along and just as I'm getting to one big thick clump I see something laying in the grass. It didn't look like a rock or metal or anything dangerous, so I didn't yank the mower away - I just kept going. That would have been fine for must stuff back there, but just as I ran over it with the mower, it registered what it was... a small dead rabbit.
And it exploded. Small dead rabbits explode very quickly into lots of little pieces, with only a small "whack" sound and without so much as a strain on the lawnmower's engine. I know this because I have a side discharge mower and the lots of little pieces of small dead rabbit that exploded came flying out.
NOW I turned the mower off.
The only thing that was left of the exploded small dead rabbit was half the torso. The left half. Well, it could have been the right, but it was the half that was closer to the ground and didn't get whacked by the blades. And it was covered in maggots. About half these maggots seemed to be quite perturbed to be out in the bright sun and 100 degree heat. I didn't want to know where the other half of the maggots ended up.
I had about 5 seconds where my brain was thinking "Eww". Then my brain switched to CSI mode. That's where your brain tells you that if you take another look at the maggots it would be able to determine how long this exploded small dead rabbit had been there, and very probably how it died.
So I leaned over to take a closer look. And it all became clear. First of all, forget the maggots -- by the smell alone the answer to how long it had been there was "too long." The explosion must have let all this stench out, and it was nasty. Backing away, it also became clear that the reason this exploded small dead rabbit had died was without a doubt the result of our friendly black and white house cat. Not that there were any chew marks on the body (there wasn't enough of it left to tell even if there were). No, the reason I knew is because this black and white cat was the same one that brings us other chewed up rabbits on a fairly regular basis. Funny how a nasty stench can snap you back to reality in less that a second. The entire backyard REEKED. How such a powerful odor could come from something the size of my foot (well now HALF the size of my foot...) was beyond me. But I needed to go... away.
I then came to one further observation, since this black and white cat likes to spend his evenings sleeping with my son, the reason this rabbit was now in pieces and stinking up my backyard was obviously SON's fault. It had nothing to do with me running it over with the mower.
SON needed to be taught a lesson. Small dead rabbits should not be exploded in the backyard by lawnmowers. They leave a very nasty lingering stench. To teach him this lesson, I decided that HE needed to finish mowing the backyard. I needed some fresh air...
"Why do I gotta finish mowing the back yar.... EWWW what's that smell? I'm going back inside! You do it." Slam... lock.
No comments:
Post a Comment