Women in the workplace

Occasionally at work, someone will have a birthday. In celebration, one of the administrative assistants will buy a cake and a goofy card and we pretend like we don't know that the birthday person knows we have a cake and a card even though we do it for everyone, every year. But, it's an excuse to get away from the desk and computers for a few minutes, so we all play along.

Well, most of you know that my department is almost exclusively women. And when our Vice President is out of town, I'm the lone torch bearer, so to speak. Which is kind of cool on occasion since in each one of these gatherings I get further insight into what women really talk about when guys aren't around. Because at these gatherings somehow I become totally invisible.

It's very enlightening. Take yesterday for example. One of the women, our department wiseass, brought up farts. (I thought only guys talked about those. But I was wrong.)

The conversation started out like this: "Chris and his Dad were working on the house last night when I came home and my whole house stunk. Each one was blaming the other and farting the whole time, 'No, it was him, brrrrrrrrrrrp', Chris calls that 'crop dusting', and I swear, I had to light seven candles. And not for the scent but to ward off the evil spirits escaping their ass. They need to change their diet."

A second woman piped up, "They need a colonic."

A third: "Have you ever seen those things? They always reminded me of-" she stopped very suddenly, all embarressed.

The wiseass egged her on: "What? What? WHAT? Remind you of what?"

"I can't," the third stammered. She looked at the ground as she whispered, "You know. Those things, I was a kid, it was in the shower and I always wondered what it was-"

So the wiseass finished for her: "A douche bag! I know! We had one too! I could not, for the life of me, figure out what the hell that thing was for!"

A couple of the women in the back looked over at me with pitiful stares. The rest were either laughing hysterically, or completely beet red.

But it didn't end there. "Well, that's how they made them back then, And I guess the moms kept them in the shower. Moms should really tell their kids that kind of stuff so, you don't, you know, blow on the tube thing like the bag is a weird balloon, because you have no clue."

Now the rest of the women - even the ones that were laughing - were beet red, yet still trying to laugh.

"Not that I ever did that. Because that would be, eww, that would be, that's just gross. I never did that."

Then while she was looking around satisfied at all the red faces she had created, she suddenly noticed me and remembered I was there too.

She looked at me and said "What? At least we all know my mom had a clean hoo haw!"

So. Who wants my job?

Almost 20 years later...

Anyone remember the Exxon Valdez, the single hulled tanker and it's drunk Captain, which ran aground and caused the 3,000 square mile oil slick that destroyed miles of Alaska's coastline and still affects fisheries after almost 2 decades?



Well, almost 20 years later the punitive damage part of the case has finally reached the Supreme Court. Lower courts have required that Exxon Mobile pay $2.5B to about 32,000 Alaskan fisherman and business, which equates to about $75,000 a piece.

Exxon claims this amounts to excessive punishment. (Nevermind the $2.5B is equal to about 3 weeks of income.) According to the New York Times, if the plaintiffs could just hold on to four votes, they would win the case. Since Justice Alito is not participating because he owns Exxon Mobile stock, a tie would affirm the appeals court’s judgment.

But what is sad is that the case is this close. It is living proof of what people feared when the neo-cons were permitted to appoint Justices to the court. Gone are the rights of the people, and in it's place are the rights of corporations to make profits. In fact yesterday it appeared that Chief Justice Roberts was actually blatantly defending Exxon. During oral arguments, Roberts stopped the plaintiff's attorney to ask “So what can a corporation do to protect itself against punitive-damages awards such as this?”

The lawyer responded “Well, it can hire fit and competent people.” The sound of laughter rippled through the courtroom, and the chief justice did not look amused.

People see through Roberts. He is intellectually dishonest. He rules not as an impartial judge, but as a Republican foot soldier. He does not do the people’s bidding, but instead uses each ruling as an attempt to impose this ideology on the country. His goal is not to serve as judge, but to shape society. He is the ultimate activist judge, installed to a life term in the highest court of the land.

At what point did the health of our planet, our country, the environment, and the well being of our citizens and small businesses take the backseat to big corporate greed? It's truly sad.

Be Mine

Be Mine, by David Gray.

K just sent me this song. I never heard it before, but it's now my new favorite.



From the very first moment I saw you
That's when I knew
All the dreams I held in my heart
Had suddenly come true
Knock me over stone cold sober
Not a thing I could say or do
Cause baby when I'm walking with you now
My eyes are so wide
Like you reached right into my head
And turned on the light inside
Turning on the light
Inside my mind... yea...

Come on baby it's all right
Sunday, Monday, day or night
Written blue on white, it's plain to see

Be mine, be mine!
Rainy, shiny, night or day
What's the difference anyway
Honey 'til your heart belongs to me

If I had some influence, girl
With the powers that be
I'd have them fire that arrow at you
Like they fired it right at me
Maybe when your heart and soul are burning
You might see
That every time I'm talking with you
It's always over too soon
That every day feels so incomplete
'Til you walk into the room
Say the word now, girl
I'll jump that moon... yea...

Come on baby it's OK
Rainy, shiny, night or day
There's nothing in the way now
Don't you see

Be mine, be mine!
Winter, summer, day or night
Centigrade or Fahrenheit
Baby 'til your heart belongs to me

Be Mine, Be mine
Thursday, Friday, short or long
When you got a love so strong
How can it be wrong now? Mercy me

Be Mine, Be mine
Jumpin' Jesus, holy cow!
What's the difference anyhow
Baby 'til your heart belongs to me

On fire, my body's on fire, my body's on fire,
My body's on fire, now run to my side, mmm mmm
Be Mine, be mine

Used Teenager for adoption

Cheap. I'll even waive all the fees. Just saying...

GB is grounded for 3 weeks. Behavior modification is required, especially in the area of respect. I'll spare you the details.

Remodeling Update

Yes, the project got underway. The main painting is done, the tile floor is in, (I'm AWESOME!) the light fixtures have been swapped out, the curtains curtain has been changed, the new pictures have been hung, and the rest of the decorating is complete.

What's left to do is painting the baseboards, all the recaulking, and adding a shim under one corner of the bathroom counter that has dropped a quarter inch.

Pictures to follow when everything is complete. And lucky you. I even remembered to take "before" pictures as well!

Jimmy Kimmel's Revenge

If you're a fan of either the Jimmy Kimmel show or the Sarah Silverman Show, you're going to enjoy this. Keep an eye out for all the cameos...

Alcohol free Doritos please?

I was reading an interesting article this morning, where Muslims were furious that certain varieties of Doritos contained trace amounts of alchohol.

All I could think about while reading the article was Geez, if you don't like it, don't eat them!! Seriously, if they didn't blow up people who disagreed with them, Muslims would be pretty funny. (If you're a Muslim reading this, please don't blow me up!)

On a semi-related note, Islam isn't all bad. Here are 9 Fatwas we can get behind.