Average Joe's Harmless Ranting

Promised Pictures

2008-11-13T09:08:00.009-05:00

Here are a few of the promised pictures from Halloween, the soccer tournament, and the parties...

Tales from the O.R. and beyond

2008-11-10T21:01:00.001-05:00

Or at least from the waiting room, which is where I am typing this.

SIDE NOTE: This post actually didn't get finished in the ER on the 4th. I am only finishing it now...

K (or actually Krista, since I no longer feel the need to remain anonymous) is currently getting a couple of pins placed in her wrist as a result of a honeymoon injury that occurred while we were horseback riding in a river in the Dominican Republic and her horse took a spill.

It's been an interesting, and completely event filled month since my last post, and this surgery is just one of the highlights. That's the reason for the lack of updates since then, but I'll try to fill you in the best I could:

Friday, October 10th:

That was the day of our wedding rehearsal. Krista and I both took the day off to get stuff done and people began arriving around lunchtime. Krista's mom and friends from Tampa were the first to arrive and we socialized a bit before heading over to the Morning Glory to unload our alcohol and help with the delivery of the folding chairs. After that was the rehearsal dinner and early thoughts that we may have made a mistake asking the kids to be the bridal party. They were in rare form, if there was something to argue about, they argued about it. If there was something to joke about, they made a joke about it. It took a third run-through just to make sure they had it down. Krista and I began talking about whether or not it would have been better to simply elope and be married by Elvis in Las Vegas. Once we finished with the rehearsal we headed back to our house for a small party with all of the guests who arrived early. It was a lot of fun, and great to see how Krista's guests meshed with mine. My Aunt Patty interacting with Krista's mom and her friends was the highlight of the evening.

Saturday, October 11th:

Wedding Day! And after a brief scare about not getting to the florist in time before they closed, it was as beautiful and perfect as we could have ever imagined. Everything fell into place. Even the "small stuff" that went wrong was no big deal, and ended up funny in the grand scheme of things. For example, after spending all the time and effort telling the kids to make sure they got their entrance timing right, I screwed it up for them when I pulled GB (Brendan from now on) aside to chat. It was about nothing important and I did it at the very moment he was supposed to walk in. Krista also had a moment of panic when she spilled her glass of red wine (that was supposed to help calm her nerves) down the front of the dress just before she was to walk down the aisle. But thankfully it didn't bleed in and wiped right off. No harm done.

And it wouldn't have mattered anyway. She looked absolutely gorgeous.

In my mind, the day was out of a storybook. The weather was perfect, the ceremony was beautiful, Krista became my wife, the kids were great, and in fact both Brendan and T2 (Taylor Morgan, or Taymo) gave fantastic toasts. I couldn't have asked for more.

Monday, October 13th:

It was early when we got started out on our Honeymoon. It was still 4-something in the morning when the alarm clock went off. But it didn't matter. We were on our way, together, without children, for a well deserved, week long vacation in the Dominican Republic. The flights were completely uneventful, which is always a good thing. We arrived in Puerto Plata on time and in great spirits, and after a 20 minute shuttle we arrived at the Riu Bachata resort. The place was beautiful and it didn't take long to get into vacation-mode. Sunshine, palm trees, swim-up pool bars, and Caribbean music has a way of doing that to you.

Tuesday, October 14th:

This day was nothing but relaxing. We missed breakfast simply because we had no intention of getting out of bed. When we finally got up we explored the beaches, the pools, the restaurants, and the bars. We got some sun, we did some shopping - experiencing the joys of Dominican bargaining along the way - "Cheapy Cheapy Williams!"; "99.9% off!"; "Almost Free!" Of course, nothing they offered was a good deal until we talked them down quite a bit, then still pretended we weren't happy with the deal and actually walked out of the shop. They would follow us out and take our offer, begging us not to tell anyone else you got such a "good deal". In the end we walked away with a fair price and a nice story.

Wednesday, October 15th:

On this day we took an excursion to Paradise Island. It wasn't the Paradise Island in the Bahamas with the giant casinos and resorts. Instead it was a tiny sandbar off the coast of a small town named Puerto Rusia. It was about an hour and a half bus ride out there, complete with a bus breakdown and occasional downpours. This day was the only day where we had really rough weather. Hurricane Omar passed the Dominican Republic about 250 miles to the east and we got one of the outer bands sweep across us. That meant lots of rain but almost no wind. At first I was worried that the rain would ruin the trip. But fate was on our side. We arrived at Puerto Rusia just as the rain stopped. We exited the bus and took a speedboat out to the sandbar, which is exactly what it was. A lump of sand with 4 tiki huts on it and nothing else. But the reef was beautiful, and would have been even moreso if it wasn't overcast. Still the whole thing was breathtaking. We stayed out there for 2 and a half hours swimming, snorkling, drinking, and just hanging out. Once we had our fill we headed back and found a few small channels where we went looking for manatees among the Mangrove trees. Unfortunately we didn't see any. Then as we returned to port, the skies opened up again and we had to run for the little shop that served as our restaurant before we headed back to the hotel.

Thursday, October 16th:

Thursday was sort of a lazy day for us. It was the epitome of what a vacation was all about. We sat around all day, played some beach volleyball, then ate and drank well into the night.

Friday, October 17th:

Friday was Ocean World. It was completely unlike anything else we saw in the Dominican Republic. While there was no doubt we were in a 3rd world country at any other time, while we were in Ocean World, this place could have been dropped right next to Disneyland and held it's own. Everything there was hands on. We stepped right into the stingray tank to pet and feed them. Then we put on snorkling gear and climbed right into the shark tank and swam with those. The sea lion show was better than you would get at SeaWorld and you could have one on one time with the sea lions afterwards. We didn't sign up for the dolphins but you could swim with those too for an extra fee. The dolphins would swim in pairs and push people along at high speeds by placing their noses on the swimmers feet. They would come out of the water and let you take pictures with them as well. Then there were exotic bird cages where you would walk in and the birds would climb on you or eat out of your hands. There was also a swimming pool right next to a tiger cage, separated only by a sheet of glass. You literally could be within inches of them. There was a lot more, and the day was one of my personal favorites.

Saturday, October 18th:

Saturday was another day we just hung out at the resort. The weather was beautiful and we spent most of the day on the beach or in the pool with several of the people we met, most of which were European. As Americans, we were definitely a minority. Through our time there we met about 5 other people from the states. The rest were mostly from England and Germany.

"Mary & Georgie"

"Christine & Nigel"

"Krista & Adam"

"Brenda"

Sunday, October 19th:

This day started out as great as all the others. We had signed up for a horseback riding excursion that brought us through much of the Dominican countryside used in the making of the Jurassic Park movies. It was one of the more rewarding experiences, as we rode through some of the farming villages, kids would come running up to us calling for "chickele, chickele" or small pieces of candy. The scene was straight from those TV commercials where they tell you that you can improve the life of a child for the price of a cup of coffee a day. Kids in their underwear and nothing else. Kids using half of a plastic ball as a baseball cap. Kids playing with old bicycle tires. Adults walking down the street in bare feet and bags of laundry on their head. All through this absolutely beautiful countryside.

We stopped for lunch and picked up a few more riders, then continued on the more hilly part of the trip. And that is where the fun began, although innocently enough...

What happened shortly after these last few pictures was a trip through a rocky riverbed. And it was literally a trip. Krista's horse tripped over some of the loose rocks and fell, and Krista fell with it. While the horse quickly recovered, Krista ended up over the side and onto the rocks, breaking her wrist.

You could see the thoughts going right through her face.

Ow, that hurt.
Ow, it hurts REALLY BAD.
I'm sitting on a pile of rocks.
I'm sitting on a pile of rocks in a river.
I'm sitting on a pile of rocks in the middle of nowhere.
I'm sitting on a pile of rocks in the middle of nowhere, in a 3rd world country.
I'm sitting on a pile of rocks in the middle of nowhere, and my wrist hurts really bad, and I'm in a 3rd world country.
How am I going to get out of here?
I've got to get back on that horse and get out of here.
Am I insane? I've got to get back on that horse!?
How the hell am I going to get back on that horse?
Damn, my wrist hurts REALLY BAD.
I'm screwed.

The guide had a cellphone and called back to the ranch, who sent a car in our direction. However we still needed to get to a place where the car could meet us, and that meant Krista still needed to get back on the horse for a bit. She toughed it out and she rode about 15 minutes while another guide and I walked her horse to a point where this old Toyota pickup truck met us. Krista got into the front and I sat in the bed of the truck. We then proceeded through what was called a road, but included crossing two separate 3 foot deep rivers until we got to some semblance of a town. This town had a "clinic". What that entailed was an open air brick building, complete with a two nurses more concerned with the Spanish soap opera on the one visible working piece of equipment in the place - the TV. We walked in and the first thing Krista said was "You have got to be fucking kidding me!" Through the pain, she realized she had to go to the bathroom, yet the bathroom A) had no light, B) no toilet seat, and C) no toilet paper. It was the first test of our marriage. I had to help her get her soaked pants and underwear down so she could go, then help her get them back up again. If she wasn't in so much pain, she would have been mortified.

Once she was done, they brought her in to do a quick exam while I, using the little bit of Spanish I knew - nobody spoke English, went on a quest for some ice. The clinic didn't have any. I finally talked a nurse into walking a few doors down the street to a little shop to get some of theirs. I walked back in to watch them attempt to pull the curtain shut around the old gurney Krista was sitting on, only to watch them pull it right out of the wall. They just left it since we were the only ones there. From there, much to my surprise, they wheeled her to X-Ray. Yes, they had an X-Ray machine. Granted it looked like it was from 1940, but apparantly it worked. Gone were all American standards though. No questions about whether or not Krista was pregnant. No lead shields for her, myself, or any of the other people standing around. Just a couple of pictures. Once that was done, the doctor finally showed himself. He was a young guy wearing a "Same Shit, Different Day" T-Shirt. (No kidding.) After talking to him, I made out that A) her wrist was definitely broken, and B) they weren't going to fix it there. I also got something about pain meds, so I said OK. They then proceeded to inject something into Krista's butt. Neither of us to this day know what it was. It helped a bit though. Not much, but some.

From there, we thought we were headed to a hospital in Puerto Plata, but after calling ahead the hospital wouldn't even see us without an insurance and/or credit card. So the driver ended up taking us twenty minutes further down the road back to the resort. While this was far from ideal, the pain meds kicked in just enough to allow for Krista to decide it was OK to take a very quick shower and get into dry clothes before heading to the Hospital. Once there, we quickly discovered that again we were virtually the only English speaking people in the place. My Spanish, combined with our driver, who to the Ranch's credit had stayed with us the entire time, was good enough to get Krista checked in. Once we got to triage things improved marginally. First of all, the male nurse spoke some English which made communication immensly easier. Secondly, we were immediately sized up as "tourists," and "tourists" have "money" - which got us bumped to the front of the line.

The hospital, which while light years ahead of the clinic we had just come from, would make the worst hospital in the United States look like a palace. But to it's credit, they got us through the ropes extremely quickly. The doctor looked at the X-Rays we brought with us from the clinic determined that Krista indeed had a broken wrist and needed it re-set immediately. (Not that we couldn't tell that from the piece of wrist bone that was visible beneath the skin of her forearm.) That put us in a huge dilemna. On one hand, Krista needed something done immediately. On the other, we are in the Dominican Republic where we can't really communicate with anyone, and faced with the fact that Krista would have to be put under general anesthesia to have this done.

We sucked it up, held our breath, prayed to God that Krista breaking her wrist was the worst thing that was going to happen on our trip. That she wasn't going to die down here, or that she would wake up minus a kidney or something. Talking to people once we got home, they said that wasn't the best decision in the world. But considering our situation at the time, it was our only one. And in the end, it all worked out. They did the surgery and released her, all within 2 and a half hours of us walking through their doors. We even had time for a drink at the bar (coffee for Krista anyway) with the people we met that evening.

Monday, October 20th:

We had a morning flight home, and Krista was very much a trooper. What we thought were pain meds from the Hospital we found out later were anti-inflammitories. That meant she made it through the previous evening and the trip home on nothing but Ibuprofen. Even still, she made the best of the situation and forced herself to get dressed and done up. Nothing was going to ruin the end of the honeymoon. Reminding her that while it doesn't help now, down the road it's going to be a great story didn't seem to help much though.

The first half of the trip home was uneventful, but things got interesting once we reached Miami. After clearing customs, we discovered that one of our bags was missing. We were assured that what most likely happened was that someone else grabbed our bag thinking it was theirs, but when they re-checked it to their final destination the tracking number would automatically have the bag put on our plane anyway. We were skeptical, but didn't really have much of a choice. Then once we got on the plane, we learned we were going to be delayed by almost an hour since there were 27 people that were supposed to be on the plane who were delayed themselves coming back from Honduras. The pilot apologized to everyone over the loudspeaker, saying that if it was us that were held up, we would wish the plane would wait for us. So we waited, not like we had a choice. The problem was that Krista's arm was beginning to swell sitting there at the gate. Her fingers were getting cold and going numb. She was very uncomfortable. Finally the other passengers arrived, all at once, looking like they were returning from a party. They were loud, but in a good way and took their seats. Next to us, behind us, and in front of us. We quickly learned they were all doctors returning from a mission trip. And they all quickly noticed and decided Krista's cast was too tight and something needed to be done. Since Krista's hand was really bothering her, we put her in their care and they immediately took to the task. In fact they were all completely entertained trying to determine the best way to cut open Krista's cast to relieve the pressure while sitting on an airplane where no sharp objects were permitted. It was a challenge and these doctors were relishing it. First someone tried a pair of nailclippers one of them smuggled aboard. When that didn't work, finally a stewardess broke open an emergency kit and got a pair of blunt paper scissors. Imagine the kind you would give a kindergartener, only bigger and flimslier. The kind designed to be impossible to hurt yourself or anyone with. Yet the doctors set to the task of making it work. By the time we were set to land in Raleigh, they had made a six inch cut in the cast and broken the scissors. Then to keep the split open, I took the child-proof cap from a pill bottle and inserted it into the split. It looked completely ridiculous, but the doctors were satisfied with their work and Krista's pressure was relieved. We made it home, but while our missing suitcase didn't (for two more days anyway) we ended up with more of the story.

Tuesday, October 21st:

The honeymoon officially ended on Tuesday. We got home late and finally climbed into bed at 2am. I had to be at work at 8:30 that morning to "turn on" all the applications I had busted my ass to finish in time to leave for the wedding and vacation. Yet something was different. People weren't happy. And at 2:30 in the afternoon I found out why. My position and my department were "downsized" and I no longer had a job.

Yep, that's right. I am starting my new marriage now with two mortgages and no job. Lovely.

If you are ever in the market to buy a house in the Raleigh/Durham area, don't use Fonville Morisey Realty. I have a big problem with the way things went down. I felt like they took advantage of me knowing they were going to be eliminating my job before they actually did. They knew full well I had tons of stuff to do with the house and the wedding right up until the day I left on vacation. Yet with all that I had going on, I was putting in tons of extra hours getting work jobs done instead of working on what needed to be done. They were calling at all hours and I made sure I had everything they asked for finished so I wouldn't be leaving anyone holding the bag while I was out. I would have preferred they "downsized" me beforehand so I could have at least felt like I was helping Krista with what needed to be done. What they did was wrong.

Wednesday, October 22nd:

Krista got herself into see a specialist. The doctor agreed that her wrist needed to be dealt with in the Dominican Republic like we did, but also agreed that if there were other options we definitely should have taken them. He removed her cast and re-wrapped it looser with a new Halloween colored one. He told her to come back in a week to get it re-evaluated after the swelling went down a bit.

Sunday, October 26th:

My birthday. The kids let us sleep in, and then when we finally got out of bed they had breakfast ready, and scavenger hunts around the house for my gifts. On top of that there were home-made signs and cards filling the kitchen and living room. Krista made a roast for dinner and I had a hockey game later in the evening to round out my day. Throw in a Carolina Panther win and it turned out to be a pretty darn good birthday.

Tuesday, October 28th:

Krista got some news she didn't want to hear. The follow-up appointment with the specialist determined that it was best if she had surgery on her wrist which included inserting two pins into the bone to hold everything in place. She was not a happy camper.

Friday, October 31st:

Halloween, and Krista's birthday. (Pictures coming soon!) After work, Krista came home and helped get the girl's costumes ready. All three of them (Krista, Taymo, and DQ - Taylor) were female pirates. Yep, I had my very own personal harem of wenches. Brendan was dressed up as a beer keg and Trevor wore his suit from the wedding with a magic marker mustache, a fedora, and a toy rifle and went as a 30's mobster. And I wore a toga with nothing underneath. Ok, I had boxers. And a pair of shorts. And a T-shirt. And a white sweatshirt. It was cold!

After the kids went trick-or-treating we all had pizza from our neighborhood pizza party then Krista opened her gifts. Following that we had several of our neighbors over for a party which lasted until around 2:30am.

Tuesday, November 4th:

Surgery day. Everything went exactly as the doctor planned, according to the doctor. But Krista was very uncomfortable the rest of the day. Far worse than coming out of the Dominican hospital. Also, I saw copies of the X-Rays and the pins looked much bigger than I thought they would be and are actually external - meaning they protrude from her wrist, although they are hidden under the cast. On the upside, they will eventually be removed so she won't further set off the metal detectors.

Saturday, November 8th:

We had another party with the neighbors. This time we didn't shut off the music until well after 3am. And it really isn't a party until a neighbor falls through a glass table. Or we bribe Taymo to babysit all the kids - worth every penny of the $15 we offered her. (Again, pictures coming soon!)

Sunday, November 9th:

This day would have been rather uneventful, except that the dog woke up with an allergic reaction to what we are guessing was a spider bite. I wish I thought to grab the camera because Lefty looked like a shar pei. We gave him some Benadryl and took him off to the vet, who gave him more Benadryl and a Cortizone shot. And since the vet was in a PetSmart store we came home with fish for the tank and a hermit crab for Taymo as part of her payment.

From last night's debate

2008-10-03T15:38:00.002-04:00

I need beer!

2008-10-02T12:43:00.005-04:00

A lot more beer. I have purchased about half of what I thought necessary to keep everyone at the wedding happy. Or at least the light beer drinking half happy. (Or should I say Lite beer drinkers, since I bought Miller Lite for them.)

Now I need to get beer for those who actually enjoy beer with some flavor to it. And the reason I haven't gotten the regular beer yet is that I can't decide what kind to get.

Do I go with Peroni since it is an Italian themed wedding?

Do I go with Sam Adams since it's the best tasting beer without a premium price tag?

Do I go with Sam Adams Oktoberfest, since it's well... October?

Do I go with Labatt Blue since it is one of my favorites, but many not be one a lot of others will drink?

Do I go with Blue Moon, or is that to "fringe"?

Do I go with Budweiser since it is cheap? Or does that give the wrong impression?

Do I go with Pabst Blue Ribbon? (Oh wait, nevermind. My ex in-laws won't be there. *grin*)

Do I go with a combination of the above, and risk running out of one type?

What do you think?

In 11 days...

2008-10-02T12:36:00.004-04:00

In 11 days I will not only no longer be single anymore, the below image will be accurate. I was just sitting here at my desk today thinking how nice it would be to be sitting at a swim-up bar with K and sipping on a Pina Colada with a slice of Pineapple, and sharing the first few days of our marriage...

(Side Note: Hold the snide comments about the Pina Colada. All man-laws regarding foo-foo drinks are invalid when on your honeymoon in the tropics!)

A neighborly conversation

2008-10-01T12:46:00.004-04:00

OK, backstory. Our next door neighbor's house was "egged" two days ago. Their back porch and screen door were apparantly covered in eggs and shells, and our neighbor "Shelly" was rightly none too happy about it. K and I were outside the other night talking to her about it and "Shelly" was saying how it was like someone covered her patio in Elmer's Glue and it all smelled like wet dog.

Fast forward to 6pm last night when I got home from work. "Shelly" is outside again watching her daughter play while talking to "Faye", her neighbor on the other side. I went over to say hello, and "Shelly" had just begun to tell "Faye" that her house had been egged two more times. She was saying how she was relaying the story to a third neighbor how her house had gotten egged the second time around 8am while she was in the shower. The neighbor responded "I can still see it all over your back door", which is how "Shelly" found out she had gotten egged the 3rd time.

Needless to say "Shelly" was pissed. She noted that they were all brown eggs, and was considering knocking on everyone's doors to see who had brown eggs. She continued on with the story, telling us that she called the police around noon about the incident and how they were going to send someone over to get a report from her.

Then around 1pm there was a knock at her door, and "Shelly" assumed it was the police so she answered it. Except that it was a woman she didn't know.

She was like "Um. Who are you?"

The woman replied that she was the wife of "Shelly's" husband's boss, and wanted to know if she was OK and if she needed someone to watch her kids while "Shelly" handled things.

"Shelly" responded, "Um. We're OK. It's just eggs."

To which the woman responded: "That's not what I'm talking about. Your husband had a heart attack at work and they took him away in an ambulance."

"Shelly" said she had no idea, thanked the woman, and then tried to call her husband's cellphone. To which she got no response.

At which point "Shelly" looked at both of us and our shocked, concerned, and anticipatory faces and realized we were waiting for more. But apparantly "Shelly" was done and didn't know what else to say.

"I don't know where my husband is." with a dismissive shrug.

"Did you ask the woman?" I asked, picking my jaw off the ground.

"No."

"Did you call the police back?" Faye asked with similar concern.

"No."

"Did you try calling ambulance companies or the hospitals?" I asked, trying to figure out if he's alright, or even alive.

"No. I don't even know what hospitals are around here."

"So you don't even know if he's OK???? Look up [hospital 1] and [hospital 2] and give their ERs a call. Like now." Faye said.

"What good would it do? I don't have a car!"

"When you find him, we'll get you a car or a ride. Now go make those calls! MOVE!" I told her.

The total lack of concern/compassion was just incredible to me. K's jaw hit the ground when I first told her the story later that evening. She showed more caring and concern than "Shelly" did about her own husband. I am still floored that this story only came out because we were talking about "Shelly's" home getting egged. We know this guy. Everyone in the neighborhood knows him. He's a friend to anyone who meets him.

But getting back to the story, as "Shelly" was walking to her house to make those calls, her husband pulls up in his car.

"Faye" and I exchange glances of "Thank god he's OK."

"Shelly" says to him "We got egged again..."

*sigh*

Sarah Palin, Dinosaurs, and the Supreme Court

2008-10-01T12:28:00.007-04:00

I thought there wasn't much more than can scare me about Sarah Palin, but I was wrong. Two new whoppers hit the news this week. The first is that Palin is convinced that Dinosaurs still co-existed with man as late as 6000 years ago. As was reported in the LA Times, Palin said she knew this because she "had seen pictures of human footprints inside the tracks."

Regardless of the Noah's Ark picture, this isn't a religious thing. It's a legitimate discussion to have with this woman if she's supposed to be taken seriously enough to hold onto our nuclear codes.

Once you have digested that tidbit, try this one on for size:

Outside of Roe vs. Wade, the woman cannot name a single Supreme Court case, period. From the Washington Post:

Of concern to McCain's campaign, however, is a remaining and still-undisclosed clip from Palin's interview with Couric last week that has the political world buzzing.

The Palin aide, after first noting how "infuriating" it was for CBS to purportedly leak word about the gaffe, revealed that it came in response to a question about Supreme Court decisions.

After noting Roe vs. Wade, Palin was apparently unable to discuss any major court cases.

There was no verbal fumbling with this particular question as there was with some others, the aide said, but rather silence.

How can anyone take this woman seriously, and furthermore, how can anyone not call into question McCain's judgement for tapping her for the slot?

Hey look! McCain already won the debate!

2008-09-26T13:14:00.005-04:00

(Nevermind that it's not until tonight...)

This little gem was found on McCain's own website up until about an hour ago. In it lies the single greatest piece of evidence that the McCain team is living in their own little fantasy world that they make up as they go along.

Neither he, nor Palin have a freaking clue.

UPDATE! He's been SELLING that ad around the internet. Check out this screenshot from the Wall Street Journal:

Apparantly, there's more.

Joe vs. the Velociraptor

2008-09-24T16:35:00.002-04:00

1 minute, 51 seconds

Personally, I think the results are a little off. By my calculations the Velociraptor would only survive for around 43 seconds chainded to a bunk bed with me! The trick is to get up on the top bunk so you drop an atomic elbow on the bastard, and then finish him off with a Jimmy Superfly Snuka Splash...

Not another political post...

2008-09-24T15:39:00.004-04:00

Sorry for this, but I just read the Paulson's bailout plan that Bush is supposed to be talking about tonight. And buried in the middle of it is this little gem:

Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.

If I am reading this right, this bailout plan - which will transfer $700 billion taxpayer dollars to purchase the distressed assets of several failed financial institutions - will be conducted in a manner unchallengeable by courts and ungovernable by congress in any fashion. All decision-making power will be consolidated into the Executive Branch - who, as plain as day, will have the incentive to act upon this privilege as quickly as possible, before they leave office. The measure will run up the budget deficit by a significant amount, with no guarantee of recouping the outlay, and no fundamental means of holding those who fail to do so accountable.

That's outrageous! It includes no oversight for Paulson at all. He plans to retain Wall Street firms as advisors to decide just how to cut deals to value and mop up Wall Street's dubious paper. There are to be no limits on executive compensation for the firms that get relief, and no equity share for the government in exchange for this massive infusion of capital.

As Bloomberg said about the McBush policies: "Privatize the profits. Socialize the debt."

What's up with that? I simply don't get it and my college degree was in both Political Science and Economics. There is no other way around the fact that Section 8 of Paulson's plan is a singularly transformative sentence of economic policy. It transfers a significant amount of power to the Executive Branch, while walling off any avenue for oversight, and offering no guarantees in return. And if congress ends up content with winning a few slight concessions, they risk not putting a stop-payment on the real "blank check" - the one in which they allow the erosion of their own powers.

Scary stuff...

An eye in the sky

2008-09-22T16:03:00.006-04:00

We've got some new entertainment in our little cul-de-sac. As most of you know, we just moved into a new house in a new neighborhood. We've met quite a number of the neighbors on our street, and they're great. It's quite a diverse group. There's a wide range of careers, backgrounds, and ethnicities represented. And quite a lot of kids and pets. Our little cul-de-sac seems to have evolved into the perfect snapshot of America.

Now enter the freaks. And apparantly they are taking the picture.

The week after we moved in, a young couple moved into the house across the cul-de-sac from us. It was the final house in the area and we were all waiting to meet them as well.

Except they never came out.

Unless it was when they bolted out the door when their next door neighbor started up his lawnmower. They ran right up to him to show him exactly where the property line was so he didn't accidentally mow their lawn. (When we heard this, several of us offered to let him mow our lawns instead...)

Or unless it was when they were getting into their car, backing out of their driveway, and then barrelling down the road at 55mph to the stopsign. And then off to who knows where.

That last one pissed me off since I happened to be standing by my mailbox taking out the trash for one occurance. She didn't miss me by more than the width of her sideview mirror. So the next time I saw them, I confronted them. I told them they can't be driving like that, there's 20-25 kids that live around here, and 4 of them are mine. They tried to defend themselves by first apologizing, and then saying the kids were unsupervised, wandering freely. I quickly shot back, first of all, mine aren't, and that doesn't excuse you driving like you do. They then tried to say "and there are lots of dogs roaming around too." I once again said "Mine's not. Stay on task here. Speed limit is 15, not 55. Don't do it again." And I walked away.

What the hell? What did this young guy and his fiance expect when moving into a cul-de-sac with big homes? Parents seek out cul-de-sacs with big homes when they need the space for children and pets and want to let their kids play outside without the fear of speeding cars.

Anyway, I did my good deed for the day.

But then it gets stranger. These same neighbors installed a pair of video cameras on the front of their house, and apparantly one in the back. These aren't the standard still cameras that point at your front door watching for any activity. They are clearly high end motion-sensitive. If you walk down the road in front of their driveway or house, the cameras follow you.

That's just weird. And against the homeowner's policy. One of our other neighbors was so bothered by this she confronted them. They told her that they get "expensive packages" delivered from UPS and while they didn't think anyone was going to mess with them, they just wanted protection.

Sorry, not buying it. If they wanted to watch their front door, then point the camera at your porch, not the street. They don't need to be watching people walk up and down the road. Especially children. Who knows what kind of pervs they are?

Furthermore, their driveway - and hence their cameras - point at our house. Specifically they point towards our Master Bedroom and Bathroom windows. Who knows if they are watching us? (If they are, K said she wants a copy of the tape for our collection, but that's another story.)

OK, she didn't say that. And she'll probably kick my ass now.

But the bottom line is that it's weird. And it needs to go away. There are already 6 homeowners that have called to complain. And we've sent in a certified letter.

However, until it happens K and I were talking about a way to have fun with this. To make it known the neighbors aren't happy with them and their spying. So we decided that each night for a week we are going to do something different for their viewing entertainment.

Night #1: All of the neighbors are going to line up in front of their driveway and do dances like the Macarena and the electric slide for an hour.

Night #2: All the neighbors are going to walk the streets like zombies with their arms outstretched.

Night #3: We are going to all stare back. We are going to bring out every telescope and binocular and camcorder we can find, line them up in front of their house, and aim them back at them.

Night #4: We are all going to wear pantyhose on our head and pretend we're sneaking around to steal something.

Night #5: We are all going to ride bicycles up and down the road.

Night #6: We are going to wear women's clothes

and Night #7: We are going to dress in military camoflauge, set up a giant bunker, arm ourselves with Nerf guns, and lay seige to their property.

How long do you think it will take before they get the point? :)

Warning: Political Post ahead!

2008-09-22T15:58:00.004-04:00

I'm scared. I'm scared because Sarah Palin is very likeable, even with her whiney , squeaky voice (as K keeps pointing out.) She was very, very good at the GOP convention. She came across as an attractive woman, a mother, a righteous Christian, and a victim all at once. The best quote I have heard to explain this came from Newsweek: "If anyone could make Christian theocracy smell like apple pie, Sarah Palin could."

But then Sarah Palin met Charles Gibson. And that was enough to scare anyone with a brain. She doesn't quite get the problem she poses to the health and safety of this country. No matter how bad she stumbles between now and election day, all her supporters will blame the media for blindsiding her, or the "Liberal Elites" for picking on her. Now I'm not a liberal, but dammit, I don't see anything wrong with wanting only a well-educated person to be given command of our military, our economy, and our nuclear arsenal.

Ask yourself: how has "elitism" become a bad word in American politics? There is simply no other walk of life in which extraordinary talent and rigorous training are denigrated. We want elite pilots to fly our planes, elite troops to man our military, elite athletes to represent us in competition and elite scientists to devote the most productive years of their lives to curing disease. And yet, when it comes time to vest people with even greater responsibilities, we consider it a virtue to shun any and all standards of excellence. When it comes to choosing the people whose thoughts and actions will decide the fates of millions, then we suddenly want someone just like us, someone fit to have a beer with, someone down-to-earth—in fact, almost anyone, provided that he or she doesn't seem too intelligent or well educated.

Come on people, how can Sarah Palin possibly be qualified to deal with the foreign policy challenges and responsibilies that may come her way? Hell, even though she could "see Russia from her window", she didn't even have a passport until last year! In fact, when she was talking to Charles Gibson, Palin actually said that Alaska's geographical proximity to Russia gave her some essential foreign-policy experience. That is just... wow.

Palin may very well be someone most of America would love to go have a beer with. And she may be a fantastic mother and a great American success story—but she is a beauty queen and ex-sports reporter who stumbled into small-town politics, and who is now on the verge of stumbling into, literally, world history. Again, the problem as I see it is that half of the electorate of this country actually things that Palin's lack of experience or qualifications is a plus. The McCain camp and the rest of the GOP pump out the cheers of "They think they're better than you!" and that "Sarah Palin is an ordinary person!" Like that's a good thing. Like mediocrity, when it comes to leading this country, is a good thing.

The redneck brigade, and yes I live in the heart of it around here - these are my neighbors, regularly makes statements like "I'm voting for Sarah because she's a mom. She knows what it's like to be a mom." And it scares the crap out of me because it suggest such an obvious detachment from the real problems of today. Whomever wins this election must immediately confront issues like nuclear proliferation, ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (and covert wars elsewhere), global warming, our failing economy, Russian belligerence, the rise of China, emerging epidemics, Islamism everywhere, a powerless United Nations, the deterioration of American schools, failures of energy, infrastructure and Internet security … the list is long, and Sarah Palin does not seem competent even to rank these items in order of importance, much less address any one of them.

The bottom line is that what is so scary about the candidacy of Sarah Palin is the degree to which she represents the combination of confidence and ignorance. Watching her deny to Gibson that she had ever harbored the slightest doubt about her readiness to take command of the world's only superpower, one got the feeling that Palin would gladly assume any responsibility on earth. When asked why she is qualified to shoulder more responsibility than any person has held in human history, Palin cites her refusal to hesitate: "You can't blink," she told Gibson over and over again, as though the fate of the world rests on the outcome of a staring contest. Let us hope that a President Palin would blink, again and again, while more thoughtful people decide the fate of civilization...

Yawning may boost brain's alertness

2008-09-19T13:24:00.002-04:00

Yawning is good for you. It says so here:
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19426104.400-yawning-may-boost-brains-alertness.html

And on a semi-related note, I wasn't yawning last night. I was stretching my jaw. If I WAS yawning, my brain would have had boosted alertness and I wouldn't have yawned anyway.

So, the bottom line is there was no yawning going on anywhere. Regardless of what she says.

It amazes me...

2008-09-17T15:11:00.002-04:00

... that people can stand there and look you in the eye and say that McCain is the better choice when it comes to fixing the economy. He flip-flops more than John Kerry ever did, and it's all because he doesn't have a clue:

---

John McCain this summer: "Economics is not something I've understood as well as I should"
John McCain yesterday: "My experience and leadership are necessary in a “time of crisis.”"

---

John McCain, Jan 2008: "Americans are better off now than they were eight years ago."
John McCain, Jun 2008: "We're worse off than we were four years ago."

---

John McCain, two days ago: "The fundamentals of our economy are strong."
John McCain, yesterday: "We're in a "total crisis" created by Wall Street greed."

---

John McCain, the past 8 years: Creating, promoting, and embracing legislation to broadly deregulate the banking and insurance industries, and sweep aside a thicket of rules established over decades in favor of a less restricted financial marketplace that proponents said would result in greater economic growth.
John McCain, today: Recasting himself as a champion of regulation to end "reckless conduct, corruption and unbridled greed" on Wall Street.

----

There's more, but why bother. It's plain as day.

What is it about coffee?

2008-09-17T12:01:00.003-04:00

Why is it that I can sit at my desk all day drinking water and/or soda and never have to use the restroom, but if I have a half-cup of coffee in the morning by the time I get to the office I have to push people out of the way so I don't pee my pants. And then I'm back and forth to the bathroom the rest of the day.

I don't get it.

Guess That Injury...

2008-09-15T16:21:00.004-04:00

Joe has had a rough week. In the course of 5 days, Joe has suffered a tremendously inflamed lower lip, several horrible burning rashes, and a gash in his chest that required 8 stitches to close. To make Joe feel better, Joe is going to refer to himself in the 3rd person for the remainder of this post. Joe also wants to see if you can guess the causes of each of his traumas.

Question #1 - How did Joe get the biggest fat lip in history?
A. K popped Joe in the face for copping an unexpected feel
B. Joe was bit by a baby Black Widow that crawled into his mouth
C. Joe was experimenting (poorly) with Botox injections
D. Joe was hit by a homemade blow-dart shot through GB's musical recorder
E. Joe had an allergic reaction to K's Fettucini Alfredo

Question #2 - What was the source of Joe's rashes?
A. Joe was planting shrubbery in the backyard and caught poison ivy
B. Joe was attacked by an army of Red Imported Fire Ants
C. Joe caught small pox while visiting Barbie's new house
D. Joe accidentally used some of DQ's excema cream instead of Ben Gay on his back ache.
E. Joe had an allergic reaction to K's Fettucini Alfredo

Question #3 - How did Joe end up with 8 stitches on his chest?
A. Joe was attacked by ninjas with throwing stars
B. Joe had a malignant melanoma cut from his torso
C. Joe tripped on a dog bone, fell down the stairs, and landed on a set of keys
D. Joe got bit by a baby ball python while visiting PetSmart
E. Joe was accidentally stabbed with a kitchen knife by T2

The correct answer to each of the questions was "B".

The spider bite occurred while hanging out at the neighbor's drinking beer on Saturday evening. The spider must have crawled onto a beer bottle and then found it's way into Joe's mouth.

The fire ants were in our garage after Joe had sprayed to keep them out of the new house. The ants had discovered an open bag of bird seed sitting in a crate and were rather upset when Joe unwittingly moved the bag out of the garage to clean up.

The malignant melanoma was cut out as a precaution when Joe's annual trip to the dermatologist determined a particular mole was showing signs of early skin cancer. Joe decided to have them remove the entire area to be on the safe side.

As you can see, Joe has had a rough week. (But the house is looking good! K rocks!)

Sarah Palin / Hillary Clinton Joint Appearance!

2008-09-15T16:16:00.006-04:00

I love Saturday Night Live!

The Greatest Dog Ever

2008-09-09T11:50:00.005-04:00

I don't know whether or not I have blogged about this or not, but K has a dog named Lefty. He's a boxer mix, and pretty good size. He's very good natured and completely non aggressive.

While I've always liked her dog, last night I realized just how smart and cool he could be.

As a background to this story, you must understand that her son, T1, is responsible for taking the dog out as needed. That's one of his "jobs," along with pooper scooping the yard, to earn extra allowance money. It's been his job for about 3 years now.

Well yesterday T1 forgot to take the dog out. All day. From the time T1 had gotten home around 3 until he crawled into bed at 11 the dog had not gone out.

So last night, K and I were working in DQ's room getting the furniture arranged and doing some general organization. Lefty had been in the room with us hanging out and apparantly his bladder had enough.

So he got up and walked out of the room. Not 30 seconds later we hear T1 yelling "Oh my god! What the hell??? What are you doing???"

Lefty had hopped up on T1's bed and peed right on him.

I think I pulled a rib muscle laughing so hard. K tried to maintain a straight face consoling T1, but once he walked away, she busted out laughing herself.

I love her dog.

We woulda been done by now...

2008-09-02T15:56:00.002-04:00

... but several hours of this weekend were spent in the ER. No, not for me. I didn't cut my foot off with any sort of power tools or anything like that. It was for DQ.

On Saturday we had a soccer practice and she was in goal. At one point during a drill one of the girls took a full-on shot from about 8 feet away which DQ punched away. It was a great save, but she let out a really loud scream afterwards. As the coach, I saw it happen and it didn't look so bad so did a quick assessment check - she could move her fingers and wrist, there was no immediate swelling, etc. - and had her go sit on the side with some ice.

I checked on her a few times and she said it still hurt but there wasn't any swelling so I kept it on ice. Practice lasted 15 minutes or so longer, and when I finished packing up all the equipment I did one final check and did see some signs of swelling. So I decided to take her to a local Urgent Care center that had an X-Ray machine. We showed up at their door at 5:05pm but they said they closed at 5pm and refused to see her. So much for the Hippocratic oath. There's a kid on their doorstep in pain and they refuse to see her. Bastages. We won't be going back to that one.

So we got back into the truck and drove to another Urgent Care center, also closed. Then a third. Finally we determined the only way to get her seen was to go to the ER and face the wait there. We get to the hospital around 5:45 and walk into the ER. The place was a madhouse. It was dark, dirty, and there were about 40 people in the waiting room in various states of well-being. And about another 40 or so sitting next to the infirmed looking bored to death. Great, it's going to be a LONG night...

I get up to the registration desk and the woman says "No take her next door to the "Children's Emergency room." So we wander next door into this Chuck E Cheese-esque lobby, complete with video games and about a half dozen oversized plasma TVs playing Disney movies. And there wasn't a soul in the place.

Ahh this is much more like it. Barbie showed up - with her Ken - to give me DQ's insurance card since I only had an old one. Then she left to go on a date with him somewhere. (Side Note: If DQ had been with Barbie, I wouldn't have left. I would have stuck around to make sure she was OK.) So we sat down to wait. About 5 minutes later DQ gets called back for Triage. A nurse took her temperature and blood pressure, and when she was done DQ asked her what was wrong. Before the nurse could answer, I interjected "They are going to need to amputate your arm at the elbow." DQ shot this worried look at the nurse, who promptly pointed to DQ's 117/79 Blood Pressure and said "That's what the numbers say..."

After we were finished in Triage, we headed back to the waiting room. I knew her arm must have really been hurting because she skipped the video games since she wouldn't be able to hold the controllers. As we sat down, the big screen TV started playing the movie "Underdog".

When it ended. Yes, take that in. When the movie ended, there were about a dozen other kids in the waiting room yet we still hadn't called back. Shortly thereafter we did get called back, and we promptly sat in an exam room through half the movie Cinderella before getting called into X-Ray.

X-Ray was cool though. The entire room was painted like outerspace complete with special glow in the dark paint and purple lights. And when you walked in they handed you some 3-D glasses to complete the effect. Very cool. The X-Rays themselves didn't take too long and we were escorted back to the exam room to await the radiologist to look at the film. And we waited, through the end of Cinderella, and then the first half of the Illinois/Missouri football game. (Go Illini!).

When they finally got back to us, they broke the news that DQ had two small stress fractures, one at the wrist and the other at the elbow. They also said they saw some possible ligament damage that may require therapy or possibly surgery. Just great.

To wrap up the night, they casted her arm up around the elbow and halfway to her shoulder, stuck it in a sling and sent us on our way. After about another 35 minute wait for discharge papers...

We have an appointment with the Orthopedist tomorrow for a more thorough exam and I'll have more details then. I'll keep you posted.

Anyway, needless to say I didn't get much unpacking done Saturday night.

We're In!

2008-08-29T14:13:00.004-04:00

We've moved. Sort of. We're not done yet. Closing went fairly smoothly yesterday and we officially own the place now. There was a small hiccup when the funds for our loan didn't show up because the lender transposed two numbers. Since the builder owns the lender, after learning that was the problem we took it upon ourselves to move in anyway and let them figure it out amongst themselves. We figured if they wanted their money, they'd get it straight.

We closed at 11am, and by 2pm we decided we sat around long enough on them so we started moving the stuff in. There was no sense in paying movers by the hour to sit around and wait. By 5pm, a representative came by with our keys and apologized. They said "technically" we weren't supposed to be on the property, but she knew the only holdup was self-created so she "looked the other way" until final word came in that the bank fixed their error.

Anyway, we've moved stuff into the new house. And when we were finally done moving stuff into the new house we all found a mattress somewhere to collapse on last night. But there are still boxes everywhere, and will be for quite some time. I haven't even gotten much of my stuff out of my house to move over yet. K is home today unpacking. Something we didn't stop doing until 2am last night. Since K had the day off and I had to get to work anyway, I let her sleep in while I was up again at 5am getting kids ready for school. Now I'm dead tired and could really use a nap...

The day the Republicans lost the Presidency

2008-08-29T14:12:00.001-04:00

I give McCain credit for taking this risk. He had to (and will continue to have to) if he still believes he has any shot at winning in November. But by choosing Sarah Palin for Vice President, he fell off the edge. Yes, she's a woman. Yes, she's young and very pretty - a former beauty queen. She's also a Governor, a mother of five, pro-life, and pro-gun. And that combination may win over the redneck segment of the male GOP contingent.

But this choice fails to look at what she's not. She is not pro-choice. She has no national experience. She has never been part of a national campaign before. She is under investigation for trying to use her office to get her brother-in-law fired. She has no international experience. Her actual experience governing is in a very small state, famous for its "Bridge to Nowhere" kind of political graft. Her Republican colleague, Senator Ted Stevens has been indicted for corruption.

Think about it. When Republicans and Independents go vote, will they have the confidence to vote for a McCain-Palin ticket knowing that McCain has had several recurrences of his skin cancer and will be the oldest President ever - beyond the average male life expectancy before ever taking office? Can anyone imagine Sarah Palin stepping into the Oval Office and dealing with all the problems our country faces right now? The Russians and the terrorists must be quaking in their boots.

The bottom line is that it's obvious the McCain camp is trying to woo women, especially Hillary supporters, who are desperate to see a woman on the ticket, as well as the larger-than-we-like-to-admit segment of our country who will vote for McCain-Palin simply because she's "Hot". But it's a longshot. It is reminiscent of the Republicans putting up Alan Keyes to run against Barack Obama for the Illinois Senate just because he was black. Voters saw through that pretty quickly. Additionally, how does McCain honestly think these Hillary supporters are going to vote? They don't get Hillary on the ballot but they get Sarah as the first potential woman President? There is absolutely no overlap between the positions Hillary Clinton has fought for and Sarah Palin. The two women are not remotely substitutable. They are as different as they can be. I think most women are going to feel insulted in McCain's suggestion that just "any" woman will do. And I think most people who will vote for Palin simply for her looks are not exactly the kind of people who turn out to vote on election day.

Maybe my $15 didn't go to waste.

2008-08-25T09:10:00.002-04:00

Yep, politics time. And a quick note as to why Obama made the right choice selecting Joe Biden as his running mate. Yes, there are going to be critics out there saying that choosing a 35 year Washington veteran is hardly the "change" that Obama has been promising.

I am going to state right here that that is totally the wrong outlook. By selecting Biden, with his insider knowledge, reputation, and influence that he brings to the table, the ticket offers the hope that all the things Obama wants to accomplish - from foreign affairs and health care to economic and tax policy - might actually get done in the next administration.

The McCain camp desperately did not want Obama to pick Biden for this very reason. Without someone like Biden on the ticket - with a governor perhaps or a less effective senator - Obama risked looking like a dreamer, not a doer. But with Biden at his side, the Democratic ticket suddenly can offer itself as a can-do engine for change.

Nothing highlights this more than a look at National Security. It takes years of absorption of what the world has been doing to itself to understand how to organize an effective, disciplined strategic course for the United States -- particularly at a time when the Bush administration has wrecked whatever global equilibrium previously existed. By picking Biden, Obama immediately shored up his weakness -- inexperience in office and on foreign policy -- with the best in the business. Foreign leaders call Biden when they need America's guidance, skipping over the White House and its puppets like Condi.

Yes, there were other possible VP candidates, each with their own set of supporters. People like Govs. Tim Kaine of Virginia or Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas; Sens. Clinton or Evan Bayh, or even from across the aisle, such as Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska.

And each of these other options had their own upsides as well. But they also had major shortcomings. For example both Kaine and Sebelius are excellent governors, but they are nearly as new at all this as Obama. The only reason that either would have made sense is for a combination of a regional, red-state grab combined with the intention that withdrawing from the international scene and focusing heavily on development at home was going to be the Obama package. That would have been a huge mistake, forfeiting the entire national security portfolio debate to McCain. (Something that McCain, based on his policies, is on the losing end to begin with.)

Chuck Hagel would also have been a decent choice, but Obama hasn't officially won the nomination yet. He couldn't risk having a GOP running mate ticking off enough super delegates to the point they throw their support to Hillary and throwing the entire party into chaos. (Bill would have loved that though, and if Obama won the nomination outright, Hagel probably would have gotten a lot more consideration.)

Finally, Hillary. Yes her. And yes, an Obama/Clinton ticket would look formidable to many people. But it would make for a dysfunctional relationship and dysfunctional presidency. Not what this country needs right now. The Clinton team had a lot of attitude issues that precluded any sort of serious consideration of Hillary.

That brings us back to Biden. The fact of the matter is that Biden polls well with many groups of Americans -- particularly elder Americans, white working class Americans, African Americans, soccer Moms, Hispanics, and Jews. Obama has just hired the guy who can not only continue to help him look fresh by helping to get the inside game into the right supportive patterns, he has hired someone who is not a knee-jerk, newcomer on national security issues who knows what poor shape America's global position is today.

There are many reasons why Joe Biden was exactly the right guy for Obama, but the biggest reason is that Biden's competence will help Obama be able to remain Obama. None of the other candidates would be able to deliver that as well.

And for that, my $15 campaign contribution to Joe Biden's presidential bid may not have gone entirely to waste...

I'm not watching the Olympics anymore.

2008-08-22T15:10:00.001-04:00

This is just wrong...

Why I watch the Olympics

2008-08-21T15:32:00.002-04:00

Specifically Volleyball.

Specifically Beach Volleyball.

Specifically Team USA.

Specifically Misty May.

Specifically Misty May's butt.

The family mausoleum

2008-08-20T14:37:00.002-04:00

When my dad died last year we had him cremated and then we shared the ashes with those who wanted a bit of him. A few of his NY Giants buddies took some of his ashes with them when they went to the Super Bowl last year and poured them onto field at halftime. More of his ashes were sprinkled into the ocean since he loved to fish, and even more were sprinkled on a golf course.

Well, there was still some ashes left. And his wife was trying to give them to my sister to take with her back to Long Island where he grew up. Except that my sister didn't want the ashes, she found the idea morbid.

Anyway, during the countless retelling of the story my dad's ashes became known as the "Bag 'o Bob." At which point we started discussion what each of us would be called once we died. There was a "Jar 'o Jim", a "Decanter 'o Debby", a "Mug 'o Marge", etc. Eventually even K joined in the fun, "Keg 'o K".

Then we decided instead of being placed in a museum, we would just rent a unit at a Public Storage place and leave our remains in our aforementioned containers forever. Then centuries in the future someone is going to walk into that place and find nothing but various types of containers filled with ashes.

Yea, we're weird.

Caption Contest Winner!

2008-08-20T14:19:00.002-04:00

Yes, there is a winner for the Caption Contest I ran last week. And the winner is my very own K! No there wasn't any favoritism going on. No I'm not expecting any kind of kickbacks for the honor. (And it IS an honor to win one of my caption contests, you know!)

She won with this:

Getting good reception can be challenging, but it was the presidential debates.

How she won was even better. We were in Maryland this past weekend (To read about the trip, you can check it out HERE.) and were just waking up Sunday morning. K goes to the bathroom, I hear a flush, and then she emerges with this glorious look on her face. Shit-eating grin one might say...

She looks right at me and says triumphantly "Getting good reception can be challenging, but it was the presidential debates."

"Huh?"

"Your stupid contest on your blog. I just won."

"THAT is what you were thinking about while taking a dump?"

"I only had to pee. It would have been better if I had to crap. I do my best thinking in the bathroom."

"Well, yea, that is pretty good. You win."

(And I look forward to giving her her prize tonight. Muahahah. )

The Troops don't support the Troops!

2008-08-15T11:19:00.003-04:00

After years of hearing that if you don't support the Bush military policy, you don't support the troops, you have to wonder what the neo-cons will try to do or spin now.

A new study released today by the Center for Responsive Politics revealed that members of the military are giving more donations to Senator Obama than Senator McCain, and when you just examine those troops who are deployed, Obama attracts more donations by a 6 to 1 factor. So much for conventional wisdom.

The fact is that our troops aren't much different than most Americans. As such, it's not surprising that they overwhelmingly oppose the Bush military policy that John McCain would continue. The latest AP polls show that 62 percent of the troops disapprove of the Bush policy. And with this latest revelation, we can see that they are beginning to speak with their checkbooks, making it known just how strongly they believe we need to begin to redeploy from Iraq and go on the offense against al Qaeda in Afghanistan where the real enemy is making big gains.

The point is our troops aren't stupid. They know that the current course our military is on is not sustainable, and they're looking for a dramatic change. And even though they don't have a whole lot of money to give, they are voting right now with their wallets. So, do our troops hate the troops? No, of course not. Our troops love America, and that's the point.

Off to the World Cup and then to Maryland

2008-08-15T10:39:00.005-04:00

The six of us and the Beast are heading out shortly to visit some of my family in Maryland for the weekend. It will be the first time K gets to meet this batch of people, including my sister. K's all nervous, but she shouldn't be. If my family likes ME, then she has nothing to worry about. *grin*

Before we leave though we have to pick up the girls. They are participating in a soccer camp this week, and as part of it will be having a "World Cup" competition to close out the session. We don't want them to miss it. They have split all the kids into teams and given them each a different country to represent. DQ is playing for the Netherlands, and T2 represents Spain. It'll be fun to watch them play, but then we're going to have to toss them in the shower before we head on out. The last time the girls took their cleats off after a full day of soccer, we had to pull off to the side of the road and bail out it stunk so bad. We will NOT be spending 4-5 hours in a car with that stench...

Have a great weekend everyone!

A new caption contest

2008-08-13T14:28:00.001-04:00

Reply with your best caption to this picture:

Good luck!

Wilco, etc.

2008-08-13T13:23:00.003-04:00

I left off a few things from my previous post, not because they were trivial, but because they deserved a blog post of their own.

The first was the Wilco concert that K took me to. It was "nice". That's exactly how the band described it. The crowd was "nice". The venue was "nice". We smelled "nice". Wilco's music was "nice". Not great. Nice. Wilco is good, but by no means a Led Zeppelin. (Guess you had to be there!)

On the other hand, my date for the evening was amazing. I haven't really had the time or the energy to explain just how taxing my job has been over the past few weeks. I think K has an inkling, but even that doesn't do it justice. It has sucked. So much so that I've been seriously considering a job or career change.

Anyway, I'm off track. In a wonderful twist of irony, I was sitting there at the concert, probably being less than a stellar companion to K (off in my own little world of computer hell) and thinking how nice it was to have someone like her to be with and do stuff with at times like this. Of course, being in my own little world I didn't take the time to tell her that. Or to thank her for putting up with me while I'm partially somewhere else. I'm an ass. (Baby, in case you are reading this before I talk to you tonight, you're the best!)

Another thing I didn't post about was our date night Saturday night. After an early evening of boxing up K's gameroom we decided to get showered and head over to a little hole in the wall bar called "The Flip Side". From the outside, it's in the middle of downtown and doesn't merit a second glance. But inside they bring in great live bands, have a nice selection of beer, drinks, and wine, and to top it off, it's a non-smoking bar. We like it because it's also quite a diverse crowd. It ranges from a spattering of college aged kids all the way up to a fairly good number of senior citizens. And the senior crowd tends to be the most lively. Anyway, it was a beautiful night out so we sat on their patio and told stories about our pasts back and forth to each other all night long. It was so nice to be able to get away from the kids, appreciate each other, relax, unwind, and laugh. On top of that, we drove the Beast. The Beast was happy.

There's more, but it'll have to wait.

Blogging 23/6

2008-08-12T15:56:00.006-04:00

I should rename this blog to "23/6". That would be short for "Some of the details, most of the time!"

Yep, it's been close to two weeks since my last post. I'll blame this one on the Chinese and all their little virus and trojan creating punks. My company has been bombarded with intrusion and hack attempts over the past month, and the last two weeks have been relentless. At first we (and by we, I mean ME) were able to block about 98% of them, but the two percent that got in caused massive chaos. Since then we (and by we, I mean ME) have been able to pretty solidly slam the door shut on them. And it's been cleanup, both of our data, and of our reputation ever since.

On the upside, I no longer need to blog as often. I showed K my blog the other day for the first time. She had no idea what a blog was. But since then, she's not only read and critiqued mine from top to bottom, she's started her own. (Over HERE. Go check it out.) And she's good at it. Better than I am. So if I'm not telling you what's going on, you can hop over there and she'll fill you in.

With that said I'm going to still try to keep up. Here's the summary for the past two weeks, in reverse order:

1. We're going to visit family in Maryland this upcoming weekend. Depending on the weather, we'll be swimming, boating, and hanging out at Baltimore's Inner Harbor.

2. My uncle is coming to pick up K's Volkswagon Beetle to keep until we finish with the move.

3. My cousin just got engaged two days ago, and her fiance is a mechanic who offered to help get the aforementioned Beetle running for us.

4. We are just about finished with our wedding invitations and they will be mailed tomorrow. No really. We mean it. There's a long story here, but it will have to wait.

5. We need to mow K's lawn. It's a mess. It's also an acre and a half. And the riding lawnmower is broken. Another long story.

6. DQ and T2 are in soccer camp this week. They seem to like it. Especially the salads for lunch. (Yes, another long story.)

7. GB bought himself an XBox 360 with the money he has been saving. Forza 2 Motorsports is a really cool game in case you were wondering.

8. The beach was fun. Except for the jellyfish. Ask GB. (Or everyone who wanted to pee on him.)

9. GB and I went to play paintball. That was also fun. Until some guys on my team thought I wasn't on their team. And four of them unloaded into my back from about 15 feet away. Nevermind.

10. The Beast doesn't like the Lexus. It gets mad when we drive the car instead of the truck to save gas. One of these days we're going to come home and it is going to have eaten it. Or driven over it. No, really.

10. There's more, but I don't remember it all right now. And I do need to get back to work.

Our 2nd big purchase

2008-08-01T11:57:00.004-04:00

Now that the house is out of the way, it has come time for us to figure out how to move 6 of us at once without having to get a minivan. So, we researched, and we thought, and we planned, and then we bought, a Ford Expedition.

Gone is my Azera in the trade, and after all the dust has settled not only did our payments go down, so did our insurance. In fact it looks like it went down enough to cover the added cost of gas. No, really!

K took the "Beast" (as it has now been named) to work today and shortly thereafter I got an e-mail letting me know how she loved how everyone moved out of the way for her. She also loved how she got to sit up high and look down on everyone else.

I'm guessing I'm not going to get to drive it very much...

Some pictures of the new pad

2008-07-17T15:02:00.005-04:00

Here are few pictures of the place. Sorry for the poor quality, I didn't take them.

Catching up

2008-07-17T10:37:00.004-04:00

OK - so it's been two weeks since the last update. But I've been busy. No really, this time I mean it.

Let's start off with K's house. In a market with 348 current homes in her price range that only had 22 closings, her house went under contract in 5 days with a full price offer. Considering that we were worried about pricing it too high when everyone else was taking a loss, that was both unexpected and incredible.

Then, since the sellers wanted to close on her house on August 28th, and we decided that my house was simply too small for 6 people to live in while trying to sell it, we had to go find a new house. So we did!

We found a new construction home in a fairly new subdivision that still allows my kids to go to the same schools they were in, and caught the builder on a good day. We started out giving them a total lowball offer. To top it off we asked for $4000 in closing costs and some upgrades, figuring they would counter and we'd meet them in the middle from the original purchase price. However, to our utter surprise, the builder took our offer on the spot. So basically, we just sold K's 2000 square foot home for $14k MORE than we bought a brand new 2700 square foot home. *boggle*

That's the good news. On the (very) sad side, my grandfather passed away last week and I took the kids up to the funeral in Maryland. It was not completely unexpected, he's been in a home for a few years now and hasn't really been 'there' during that time. In fact he never knew my dad died away last year, and my uncles were joking the first thing he was going to say when he got up there was "Bob, what the hell are you doing here?"

Still, it's a loss and it's hard. Growing up, you always think of yourself as being young when you've got grandparents around. And in one fell swoop not only did I lose my last grandparent, I became the oldest male left in my tree. It's odd to think of things in that light.

Back to a more lighthearted topic. GB and I were goofing around on the couch on Saturday, and in an attempt to keep me from beating him silly, he tried to give me a "dead arm". Yet (with all apologies to the women) he hit like a girl. So I immediately ended the game and began to show him how to hit with some power behind his punches. Apparantly he sat and listened very well, because 20 minutes later he walked into the kitchen where I was talking to K. He didn't say a word, just walked up and punched me in the arm. HARD.

I was like "Ow! What the F........ Damn, boy. Nice punch!" It's 5 days later and I still have a huge black bruise on my forearm in shape of his fist. I don't have my camera here at the office or I would post a picture because unless you see it, you cannot get the full effect.

But all I am saying is that if he ever does get into a fight, I am no longer worried about him defending himself..

The Mummy 3!!!

2008-07-17T10:35:00.001-04:00

I loved the first two!

Average Joe's Caption Contest

2008-07-02T15:19:00.003-04:00

Because sometimes you see things that leave you speechless...

Homosexual qualifies for Olympics

2008-07-02T14:44:00.003-04:00

In a case of Political Correctness going too far, the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow site automatically alters any word or phrase they deem offensive. One such example is to replace any use of the word “gay” with the word “homosexual” in any of the AP stories they run -- leading to instances in which proper names are reformatted to meet their ridiculous standard. One such example is this article about sprinter Tyson Gay winning the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials in which he is renamed “Tyson Homosexual”:

While they have since corrected the error, Google's web crawlers have picked it up, ensuring them of much embarressment for a long time to come...

I knew I raised him right

2008-07-02T11:34:00.006-04:00

K and I decided that our bridal party is going to consist only of our kids. As such, I plan on having GB be my best man. And the kid proved his mettle right from the moment I asked him.

When I told him of my intentions, he pondered it for a moment, then turned to me and asked "That means I get to pick the strippers for your batchelor party, right?"

That's my boy!

McCain pledges allegiance to NAFTA

2008-07-02T11:19:00.004-04:00

Like Wesley Clarke said, nobody is questioning McCain's military service, his love of this country, or ignoring his time as a POW. But flying a plane while in uniform does not automatically mean you have the judgement necessary to be President. And McCain's stance on NAFTA is further proof of that.

While the rest of the country is celebrating America's independence this week, John McCain is instead heading to Mexico City after a trip to Colombia to pledge support for the pending free trade accord. In contrast, Obama heads to Ohio to promote his "protectionist" policies.

Yes, McCain will really be in Bogota today and Mexico City tomorrow, a week after visiting Ottawa, championing NAFTA to business elites in those countries. "We need stand up for free trade with no ifs, ands or buts about it. We let trade and globalization be politicized at our own peril."

He promises to never "dishonor" America by moving away from the "sacred" NAFTA treaty. He talks on the dangers of "mindless protectionism" and expresses his faith in the ability of American workers to compete with anyone anywhere.

Unfortunately, he doesn't get it. For years, Republicans have stood by those statements. Trade, by definition, benefited America. Sure, a few privileged union workers might lose their cushy jobs and padded salaries, but they would find new jobs in the expanding global economy. Americans would prosper from investments abroad, our financial services industry would capture the high end of the expanded world economy; we'd sustain our manufacturing edge by becoming more productive; we'd benefit from lower priced goods imported from abroad.

Except it hasn't quite worked out that way. Productivity went up, but wages didn't. Corporations used the threat of moving overseas to cut back on salaries, job security, and benefits like health care and pensions. Families went deeper into debt as the cost of basics -- education, health care, retirement security, and now food and gas -- soared. More and more workers lost good jobs, only to be forced into those that paid less with fewer benefits. And now with the global workforce effectively doubled as China, India and Russia modernized, it isn't just industrial workers at risk, but some 30 million jobs that could face off-shoring. Financial services did prosper, until their greed and gambling blew up in the housing bubble.

The US has gone further and further into global debt, with trade deficits that are still $2 billion a day despite the decline in the dollar. Last month, the Chinese announced they were netting $2.5 billion a month -- $100 million an hour -- in foreign exchange. Their sovereign investment funds are now hunting for good deals across the world.

NAFTA, sold as a source of jobs for the US and a solution to the immigration flows from Mexico, hasn't worked that way either. Our trade deficit with Mexico has gone from a basic balance before NAFTA to an all-time high of $74.3 billion last year. Mexico now exports more cars to the United States than the US exports to the world. Let that sink in for a moment.

And let's not forget about how immigration tensions have grown as small farmers got displaced in Mexico by subsidized US food exports and started coming North in large numbers.

Elites found ways to protect themselves. Lawyers, doctors, prescription drug companies use licensing and patent laws to protect their wages and profits, but most Americans worry about how their kids were going to sustain a middle class life style. Globalization isn't the only reason the middle class is declining -- the war on labor, etc. contribute -- but it certainly is a significant part of the reason.

And across the world, developing countries discovered the NAFTA model didn't work for them either. The countries that have enjoyed success -- China, India, Korea -- play by a very different set of rules. They target industries, and pursue aggressive mercantilist policies to capture export markets. They run up large foreign reserves to be able to protect their currencies from global speculators. China's bosses have been happy to lend us the money to keep buying the goods our companies were making over there -- and will manipulate the value of their currency until they capture the markets they are seeking. But it is hard to argue, as McCain does, that free trade is spreading democracy across the world when the most successful economy is a communist dictatorship.

Across the world, the revolt against the corporate trade model is growing. In the US, a majority -- 58% -- of those polled in a January 2008 Wall Street Journal/NBC survey agreed that "globalization has been bad... because it has subjected US companies and employees to unfair competition and cheap labor."

We face not a choice between "free trade" and "isolationism," as McCain claims, but the challenge of developing a serious strategy for sustaining a robust middle class in a global economy. It isn't a choice between keeping our word and "dishonoring" our commitments, but making a clear reassessment of how we get out of the hole we are in.

We need to support the TRADE Act. The act calls for a halt on all new trade accords until the US Comptroller General undertakes a comprehensive assessment of the benefits and the costs of our current agreements, looking at who has benefited -- here and abroad -- and who has suffered. The Act then calls for developing a strategy that insures that the benefits of trade are widely shared, that we pursue a policy designed to benefit working people and Main Street, and not simply Wall Street.

Obama, for all he has been accused of being inexperienced, has laid out elements of an alternative strategy that may form the basis of a new course. Check it out here:
http://www.washingtonindependent.com/view/obamas-alternative

McCain's response to this has been like an Inquisition priest discovering free thinking in the pews. Doctrine is sacrosanct. Questioning it is dishonorable. He calls upon Americans to sustain the course we have been on, like lemmings marching stolidly to the sea. He pretends this is an American tradition, claiming that "every time the United States has become protectionist... we've paid a very heavy price" But this ignores the entire history of this country's rise -- with sharp eyed mercantilist trade policies behind tariff walls -- to a world economic power with a broad middle class. "Yankee traders" were famed for cutting a tough, practical deal, not for sacrificing their interests for ideological principles.

Nor is McCain such an innocent. He says we mustn't "politicize" trade accords, but trade accords are already heavily politicized. Every trade agreement -- particularly NAFTA -- features fierce lobbying over every clause.

The bottom line is that McCain seems to want to make trade policy a centerpiece of his election campaign. Obama should take him up on it. Let McCain stump the business elites of Mexico City, Bogota and Ottawa. Obama can continue to speak to the concerns of working people in Zanesville and Flint and Pittsburgh. Let voters decide which candidate has his priorities right.

There are no words...

2008-06-26T15:53:00.002-04:00

More stuff you simply can not un-see from TMZ.com:

Yes, that's Mini-Me in a sex tape shot with his former live-in girlfriend at the couple's apartment. A third party has snatched up the tape and although no deal has been made, we hear dealer Kevin Blatt, who brokered the deal for Paris' video, is entertaining a $100k offer from SugarDVD to distribute the nastiness. I would have thought the tape was worth at least ONE BILLION DOLLARS.

McCain's personal notes on the latest USA Today Poll

2008-06-24T15:02:00.003-04:00

McCain's Personal Notes on the USA Today Poll Leaked to Press! (Click on the image to see it clearer.)

It's official

2008-06-20T11:51:00.002-04:00

K and I are unequivocally committed to getting married -- there's no backing out now. Not only does K have her wedding dress in her possession, the cocktail napkins with our names and date on them showed up yesterday. We can't possibly let those go to waste!

Last Friday

2008-06-20T11:42:00.003-04:00

Once again, I'm late. I'm late in updating the blog, I'm late in posting pictures. And as so often happens when I'm late, I forget stuff. So here's something I do remember...

K and I took a day off of work and went tubing down the Dan River with DQ and T1. GB was still in Denmark and T2 was with her dad on vacation out west.

This was a different section of the river than I had taken the kids on last year, and I wouldn't do this part again. The other section had a bunch of small rapids, some really deep sections where we could get out and swim, and some nice beachy shores to get out and eat lunch.

This time around, it was just a plain 'ole lazy river. In fact there wasn't anywhere really to pull over to eat so we had our lunch while floating downstream.

Here's a few pictures of the day. The last image is of the water moccasin who chose to cross the river between us all. He never gave us a second thought, but his diamond shaped head made it perfectly clear we were to leave him alone.

A few days late

2008-06-17T11:51:00.000-04:00

I know it' a few days late, but this ad was funny...

The wedding plans may not be finalized...

2008-06-16T11:49:00.003-04:00

...but the Honeymoon is. And that's important. We're headed to the Riu Bachata in Puerto Plata which is in the Dominican Republic. Rumor has it that it's a

Now I need a good Dominican beer to go along with the music!

IMPORTANT!

2008-06-16T11:43:00.001-04:00

It's always nice to open your e-mail on a Monday morning and find e-mails like this waiting for you:

Original Message:
-----------------
From: GB
Date: Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:57:41 -0700 (PDT)
To: JOE
Subject: IMPORTANT

Dad if you are getting this message, it means that I have already farted. Love ya.

Some nice photos

2008-06-10T15:10:00.004-04:00

Two weeks ago, K and I stumbled across the name of a photographer that was trying to break into the wedding business. She's straight out of college and is trying to build up a portfolio. As such, her prices were quite reasonable compared to the going rate. We called her, and she offered to take some pictures of us in downtown Raleigh so we could get an idea of her style and the quality of her work.

Here are a few of the results. Unfortunately, Webshots messes with the pictures so the cropping and the quality are not indicitive of the original photos. Still, you can get the idea. Enjoy!

GB and Bret Michaels

2008-06-10T14:59:00.003-04:00

GB is currently in Denmark with his mom on vacation. On the flight over there they were bumped up to first class and ended up sitting behind Bret Michaels. (for those of you who are out of the loop, he's the lead singer for Poison.)

Well, GB apparantly chatted his ear off about the Guitar Hero video game on the Wii and how come Every Rose Has a Thorn wasn't on there. I guess they got along great, and Bret promised GB some tickets to an upcoming show. Too bad his mom is the one going to get to take him. Sucks to be me.

The place we WILL have the wedding

2008-06-10T14:51:00.003-04:00

The reason for the last post was because we finally did find a venue that worked for us. And while the castle seemed quite popular with a few of you, it wasn't a realistic option for a small wedding. Now if I had the money to invite 500+ people, we'd have been there in a heartbeat.

Anyway, we've settled on a small bed and breakfast called the "Morning Glory Inn". It's over 100 years old and sits in the historic part of town. It's big enough for 50 people, and has a beautiful outdoor porch where we plan to have the wedding. The owner does her own catering, and while we haven't seen any reviews on that part of it, she does own an incredible local steakhouse as well. The food there speaks for itself.

Also, since we now have the venue, we have also been able to lock down a date. Mark it on your calendars. I know all of you ladies will be sad, but I'll be officially off the market on October 11th.

Places we will NOT be holding the wedding...

2008-06-03T23:35:00.004-04:00

Whoever said choosing a venue for a wedding was easy has obviously not tried to do it in the heart of Mayberry. Now that Andy Griffith has retired and moved away, there aren't a whole lot of exciting options out there. And while there are some, there always seems to be a roadblock. Whether there were no dates available (Caffe Luna), too far (The Castle McCulloch), too expensive (The Landmark; $7500 just for the venue fee!), poor upkeep (The Tucker House), or whatever - there are just walls everywhere. We've thought about going to the beach, but travelling with 4 kids isn't easy while planning a wedding. We've thought about Vegas, but getting married by Elvis seems to make a mockery of the sanctity of marriage. Anyway, here's a partial list of places that won't work. When you're finished, you can add in the Clayton Center, the Velvet Cloak Inn, the Fuquay Inn, and several others.

Haywood Hall

Longview Center

Tucker House

Wagner House

The Sheraton

Caffe Luna

The Riviera

Lake Johnson

The Capital Club

The Landmark

The Mordecai House

The Castle McCulloch

Republicans and the Enemy

2008-05-30T10:58:00.004-04:00

I haven't done many long political posts recently, mainly since I've been blogging so infrequently. In this case, I don't have to write because I couldn't have said what this article did any better. If you have any interest at all in world politics, and how it affects us at home, please read on. Otherwise come back tomorrow...

On Wednesday, Joe Lieberman wrote in the Wall Street Journal that the Democratic Party he and I grew up in has drifted far from the foreign policy espoused by Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman and John Kennedy.

In fact, it is the policies that President George W. Bush has pursued, and that John McCain would continue, that are divorced from that great tradition – and from the legacy of Republican presidents like Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush.

Sen. Lieberman is right: 9/11 was a pivotal moment. History will judge Mr. Bush's reaction less for the mistakes he made than for the opportunities he squandered.

The president had a historic opportunity to unite Americans and the world in common cause. Instead – by exploiting the politics of fear, instigating an optional war in Iraq before finishing a necessary war in Afghanistan, and instituting policies on torture, detainees and domestic surveillance that fly in the face of our values and interests – Mr. Bush divided Americans from each other and from the world.

At the heart of this failure is an obsession with the "war on terrorism" that ignores larger forces shaping the world: the emergence of China, India, Russia and Europe; the spread of lethal weapons and dangerous diseases; uncertain supplies of energy, food and water; the persistence of poverty; ethnic animosities and state failures; a rapidly warming planet; the challenge to nation states from above and below.

Instead, Mr. Bush has turned a small number of radical groups that hate America into a 10-foot tall existential monster that dictates every move we make.

The intersection of al Qaeda with the world's most lethal weapons is a deadly serious problem. Al Qaeda must be destroyed. But to compare terrorism with an all-encompassing ideology like communism and fascism is evidence of profound confusion.

Terrorism is a means, not an end, and very different groups and countries are using it toward very different goals. Messrs. Bush and McCain lump together, as a single threat, extremist groups and states more at odds with each other than with us: Sunnis and Shiites, Persians and Arabs, Iraq and Iran, al Qaeda and Shiite militias. If they can't identify the enemy or describe the war we're fighting, it's difficult to see how we will win.

The results speak for themselves.

On George Bush's watch, Iran, not freedom, has been on the march: Iran is much closer to the bomb; its influence in Iraq is expanding; its terrorist proxy Hezbollah is ascendant in Lebanon and that country is on the brink of civil war.

Beyond Iran, al Qaeda in Afghanistan and Pakistan – the people who actually attacked us on 9/11 – are stronger now than at any time since 9/11. Radical recruitment is on the rise. Hamas controls Gaza and launches rockets at Israel every day. Some 140,000 American troops remain stuck in Iraq with no end in sight.

Because of the policies Mr. Bush has pursued and Mr. McCain would continue, the entire Middle East is more dangerous. The United States and our allies, including Israel, are less secure.

The election in November is a vital opportunity for America to start anew. That will require more than a great soldier. It will require a wise leader.

Here, the controversy over engaging Iran is especially instructive.

Last week, John McCain was very clear. He ruled out talking to Iran. He said that Barack Obama was "naïve and inexperienced" for advocating engagement; "What is it he wants to talk about?" he asked.

Well, for a start, Iran's nuclear program, its support for Shiite militias in Iraq, and its patronage of Hezbollah in Lebanon and Hamas in Gaza.

Beyond bluster, how would Mr. McCain actually deal with these dangers? You either talk, you maintain the status quo, or you go to war. If Mr. McCain has ruled out talking, we're stuck with an ineffectual policy or military strikes that could quickly spiral out of control.

Sen. Obama is right that the U.S. should be willing to engage Iran on its nuclear program without "preconditions" – i.e. without insisting that Iran first freeze the program, which is the very subject of any negotiations. He has been clear that he would not become personally involved until the necessary preparations had been made and unless he was convinced his engagement would advance our interests.

President Nixon didn't demand that China end military support to the Vietnamese killing Americans before meeting with Mao. President Reagan didn't insist that the Soviets freeze their nuclear arsenal before sitting down with Mikhail Gorbachev. Even George W. Bush – whose initial disengagement allowed dangers to proliferate – didn't demand that Libya relinquish its nuclear program, that North Korea give up its plutonium, or even that Iran stop aiding those attacking our soldiers in Iraq before authorizing talks.

The net effect of demanding preconditions that Iran rejects is this: We get no results and Iran gets closer to the bomb.

Equally unwise is the Bush-McCain fixation on regime change. The regime is abhorrent, but their logic defies comprehension: renounce the bomb – and when you do, we're still going to take you down. The result is that Iran accelerated its efforts to produce fissile material.

Instead of regime change, we should focus on conduct change. We should make it very clear to Iran what it risks in terms of isolation if it continues to pursue a dangerous nuclear program but also what it stands to gain if it does the right thing. That will require keeping our allies in Europe, as well as Russia and China, on the same page as we ratchet up pressure.

It also requires a much more sophisticated understanding than Mr. Bush or Mr. McCain seem to possess that by publicly engaging Iran – including through direct talks – we can exploit cracks within the ruling elite, and between Iran's rulers and its people, who are struggling economically and stifled politically.

Iran's people need to know that their government, not the U.S., is choosing confrontation over cooperation. Our allies and partners need to know that the U.S. will go the extra diplomatic mile – if we do, they are much more likely to stand with us if diplomacy fails and force proves necessary.

The Bush-McCain saber rattling is the most self-defeating policy imaginable. It achieves nothing. But it forces Iranians who despise the regime to rally behind their leaders. And it spurs instability in the Middle East, which adds to the price of oil, with the proceeds going right from American wallets into Tehran's pockets.

The worst nightmare for a regime that thrives on tension with America is an America ready, willing and able to engage. Since when has talking removed the word "no" from our vocabulary?

It's amazing how little faith George Bush, Joe Lieberman and John McCain have in themselves – and in America.
- Joe Biden 5/29/08

I know it's crazy

2008-05-29T16:50:00.004-04:00

I know gas prices are sky-high. And I know I'm going to need to invest in an old truck to tow it, but I think I want this:

I know a guy selling it. He's getting divorced and moving and wants to sell it, including the trailer, for $2500. It's a 19.5' Bayliner Capri.

More changes...

2008-05-29T15:28:00.000-04:00

K and I have now bounced around several dates in late September and October and for one reason or another, each one didn't work. First it was our venue wasn't available, then certain family was out of town, then whatever. So we went back to the basics and are starting over from about Square 2.5. (It would be square one, but we have a theme we like, a good DJ in mind, and a favorite caterer.)

We're pretty sure we'll be married before the end of the year though. Just thought I'd share.

Memorial Day Weekend

2008-05-29T14:59:00.009-04:00

It was fun. K and I took the kids and dog camping at one of the local lakes. We went fishing, hiking, swimming, and sunbathing. And we cooked out and had bonfires and roasted marshmallows. (Including those new yummy ones that are coated in toasted coconut.)

Here are a couple of pictures from the trip, and you can click on the link at the end of this post to see the rest.

EDIT: I removed the Flickr link and replaced it with Webshots. I like it better...

In case you were wondering

2008-05-29T14:47:00.003-04:00

Nintendo DS games still work after going through both the washing machine and the dryer.

Consider yourself enlightened.

GB's Band Concert

2008-05-29T14:45:00.001-04:00

It's hard to find him, but he's the second kid in on the back row playing the baritone horn.

Why Hillary Clinton is hurting the Democrats

2008-05-28T11:17:00.001-04:00

The latest reference to Assassination is just the icing on the case:

Not June 21st

2008-05-14T11:50:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't said anything but K and I had been considering a June 21st wedding. Yes it would have been very short notice, but the schedule of events would have worked perfectly for us. However we couldn't find a venue that would give us exactly what we wanted without breaking the bank. We had one that would have been really nice and we were all set to move forward with it but they wouldn't budge on the price of their alcohol. We even suggested that we will bring in our own alcohol and let them serve it. However, while they said they would do it, they charge a $20 per bottle "cork fee" to do so. That's absurd. $5 to $7 per bottle is fair to make sure their staff gets paid. No more than that though.

Anyway, it's just not worth it to settle for something we wouldn't be happy with, and doing away with the open bar or skipping alcohol altogether isn't an option. So now we're going to look at something in the fall and we'll no longer be rushed.

Jason Mraz

2008-05-14T11:47:00.003-04:00

Weird. I just finished posting on a blog that I read that I really don't care for Jason Mraz because all his songs sound the same, and that "Wordplay" style he uses gets on my nerves.

Well, someone must be trying to tell me something since as soon as I finished the post, "I'm Yours" started playing on the radio. What's up with that?

Cool Wall Art

2008-05-14T11:11:00.000-04:00

This was extremely well done:

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Things that make you feel weird

2008-05-07T21:41:00.005-04:00

This weekend's soccer tournament had excitement off the field as well. In this case, it extended to the sidelines. K and her kids decided they wanted to come watch DQ's game on Friday night. I didn't think much of it since Barbie wasn't supposed to be there. Turns out Barbie's plans changed and she was.

Now you have to understand, Barbie and K have not met before. Barbie knew what K looked like since she's been to my house and seen the picture of us on my fireplace mantle. But K had never seen Barbie.

So gametime rolls around and I have the girls on one side of the field while all the parents are sitting on the other. K and her kids are all the way towards one side when I notice Barbie show up and plop herself down somewhere in the middle. I'm thinking "What the hell is she doing here?" Then to make things worse, DQ notices K and her kids had shown up and waves to them. And I notice that Barbie notices who DQ is waving at.

Crap.

So now I'm trying to coach a game while thinking about all the worst case scenarios that could happen. Needless to say that I was distracted for the rest of the game. Then when the game ends I have to get the girls lined up for a handshake. As I look across the field, my heart drops into my stomach. Barbie went right over to K and struck up a conversation. And K had no idea that this was coming.

By the time I got over there, the introductions were already made and Barbie was on her way out of there. Turns out it wasn't so bad. K said Barbie was polite, but that she was still taken by surprise.

Anyway, Sunday rolls around and DQ has her 3rd place game at noon. K tells me that T2 wants to go watch DQ again. And K has decided to come because she doesn't want Barbie to think that she is only showing up when Barbie isn't supposed to be there. Since there wasn't any sort of animosity at their first meeting, I said fine.

I got there early with DQ for warmups on the far side of the field, and then about 10 minutes before the game starts Barbie shows up and sets up her chair on the parents sideline. Not 2 minutes later K and T2 show up as well. And to my utter surprise, K walks up to Barbie, says something, and then sets up her chair right next to her. That's not what I had envisioned when she said she wanted to go.

Now here I am, standing on one side of a soccer field watching my future wife and my ex wife sitting on the other chatting it up. It was an extremely unsettling experience to say the least...

Soccer Tournament Pictures

2008-05-06T16:59:00.002-04:00

DQ's soccer tournament was this weekend, and we finished in 4th place out of 8 teams. We finished 2-1 in our bracket, then lost the 3rd place game in a nailbiter, 3-2.

Anyway, here are some pictures from the tournament:

I voted

2008-05-06T11:20:00.002-04:00

On my way to work this morning, I stopped and voted. Since Joe Biden was no longer on the NC Democratic Ballot, I was down to 4 choices.

Hillary Clinton
Mike Gravel
Barack Obama
Other __________

So now all I can tell you is that after I got up to walk out, Barack Obama is winning North Carolina 2 votes to 0. (I peeked at the woman in front of me when she was putting her ballot into the machine.)

At this rate it's going to be a blowout.

OK, maybe not...

The Joe & K Story

2008-05-05T16:48:00.003-04:00

It's about time to start talking again. And telling a bit about myself is as good a place to begin, so here's the story of Joe & K, from the beginning:

Boy meets Someone.

Boy flirts with Someone, because boy is a) an incurable smartass, and b) will do anything for a laugh, and c) is secure in the knowledge that it can never go anywhere. And because Someone initiated the conversation.

Because you see, Boy had issues. From early adolescence, Boy had pretty much held himself apart from other people. Boy didn't want to seem like an insociable loner, so humor was the weapon he used to keep people at bay. He wore it like a mask to disguise himself. It became his schtick, to make people laugh. After a while, the act became so much a part of Boy that he found it hard to separate himself from the act.

Most people liked the act. Others thought Boy was an arrogant smartass, or even worse, not someone who could be taken seriously. And Boy pretended it didn't bother him, all the while secretly despising people who weren't smart enough to see behind the mask.

And then one day Someone peeked behind the mask, and didn't shrink from what she saw. Boy fell deeply in love with this Someone, and married her. They spent eleven wonderful years together, and two not-so-good years. During that time, Boy and Someone had two beautiful children, imperfectly perfect little creatures who taught Boy and Someone things about spirit and love and determination that they would never have known otherwise. Boy thought it would last forever.

Alas, Boy was wrong. Old habits die hard, and Boy didn't realize until it was too late that he wore that mask and used that act with Someone far more than he realized. Boy's first and only clue that Someone wasn't happy was the day Someone sat down on the couch and told him that she felt like a roommate, not a wife or lover. Someone wanted a separation. Boy was devastated.

Boy spent many months doing everything possible to rid himself of that mask. Then about a year later Boy learned that Someone had been seeing Someone Else for quite a long time, been sharing her thoughts and feelings with him - the ones she wouldn't share with Boy.

And Boy was consumed with such a rage that he contemplated very nasty thoughts about Someone Else. But Boy took a long hard look at himself and stepped back from the abyss. Boy came to understand that he was at least partly to blame for Someone leaving. He took her for granted. He didn't make her feel loved. Even with the most important person in his life, he still wore the mask. He still did the act. And Boy vowed that he would never again become the person he was, he would permanently destroy that mask. He would share more of himself, because frankly, going through life alone sucked.

Boy spent that next year rebuilding relationships with friends and family, and sorting his life out. Boy learned he could be more open with people, show them a little part of himself, and they'd still laugh. He discovered that people liked his humor, but they didn't shy away when he dropped the act and shared something painful and personal. On the contrary, they showered him with understanding and affection. Boy was absolutely amazed, and humbled.

With this newfound outlook on life, Boy began searching for that special person who would be that perfect compliment to the person Boy wanted to be. Boy had his clumsy dating adventures, some of them with very nice women, but none of them were right, and as such, none of them lasted. Near the end of one such adventure, Boy began to despair that he'd never again find someone he liked in that way. He still believed in fairy tales and white picket fences. He believed in happily ever after, and 'til Death do you part'. He just didn't think it was going to happen.

Then like magic, Boy met Girl. There was this something about Girl that he couldn't quite put his finger on, but Boy was powerfully intrigued. Girl was smart, funny, pretty, self confident, and Boy couldn't deny that he really was attracted to Girl.

Boy and Girl started talking all the time. Soon the conversations became a daily thing, and they would go on forever and take unexpected turns and Boy would laugh and think and argue, and then look up to see that six hours had passed. Some of the conversations would delve into very dark places that neither Boy or Girl felt comfortable letting people see. Yet they did anyway.

Then one day Boy realized that Girl had become his best friend. He found himself thinking about her at odd hours, and smiling with the whisper of her name on his lips. Boy realized what he had seen in Girl from the beginning; himself. Not himself as he was, but himself as he could be.

Boy fell in love with Girl. He was scared to admit it, because the last and only other time he had felt this way, he had gotten hurt. Boy also considered that not admitting things like that was the reason his love for Someone had died in the first place, and how he had vowed to never let that happen again. So Boy took a deep breath and told Girl how he felt. To his surprise, she told him she felt the same way.

And just like that, Boy's life changed. And in the months since, it has only gotten better. The future looks like a better place because Girl is a part of it. And soon it will be official.

I love you, K.

That's a cold fridge!

2008-04-24T13:32:00.002-04:00

Just go through the gallery and see for yourself!

Samsung Refridgerator

More Happy Passover

2008-04-22T16:45:00.001-04:00

I want these Passover Ten Plagues Finger Puppets!

You can order yourself a set HERE.

Things you cannot unsee

2008-04-18T15:00:00.002-04:00

Yes, it's 80 degrees outside today. Yes, there is nothing better than watching women walk around downtown Raleigh in little sundresses. There is, however, a downside. And that is the mini-skirt on women who have no business wearing a mini-skirt.

Welcome to my morning commute...

Bush & Condi - The love story...

2008-04-16T16:31:00.001-04:00

I'll be back with some real posting soon, but for now, enjoy...

Hillary Clinton called me last night

2008-04-11T08:47:00.001-04:00

I hung up on her.

Random Ramblings

2008-04-10T12:32:00.003-04:00

I found two more things wrong with K: She doesn't like The Doors. And she doesn't like Aerosmith. Hmmmm...

I told one woman at work I got engaged this morning. They had a party for me at the office 15 minutes later. With food and drinks. How they pulled that off, I have no idea.

It's my mom's birthday today. Happy Birthday mom. I'd have gotten her something, but she didn't invite me along on the cruise she is taking starting tomorrow.

K and I started house shopping this week. We've found the perfect neighborhood. Now we just have to clean up two houses, then stage two houses, then put two houses on the market, then sell the two houses, then buy the new house, then get moved into the new house, then get her kids registered for the new schools, all by next Thursday. (Or at least by the end of the summer.) Do you think we can do it?

Professor Layton and the Curious Village is the best game out there for the Nintendo DS.

I need to find out if Fix-a-Flat will work on lawnmower tires. I'll get back to you with the results.

Have you ever recently discovered $100,000 you had completely forgotten about? Me neither...

Nobody is perfect

2008-04-04T09:28:00.003-04:00

As I have begun slowly spreading the news that K and I have gotten engaged, I've been getting lots of questions after I describe her to people. Usually it's "what's the catch?" or "She sounds too good to be true." And that got me thinking, what IS her flaw?

Well, it took a few days but I think I found it:

She stole my side of the bed.

I have always slept on the right side. (And when I was with Barbie, I was banished to the absolute right edge because while the bed was divided down the middle, if I got too close the middle line there might be some heat transfer and my body temperature was either too hot or too cold. But I digress.)

It's not that I have any problem with sleeping on the left side, but it's a creature of habit thing. And I don't even mind sharing. When I sleep over at her place, I am happy to take the left side since she's used to the right. But when she's at mine, does it work the other way around? Nope. I'm off the left again. And that side is farther from the bathroom. And has a worse angle towards the television. What's up with that?

So there you have it. She's not perfect. I've been robbed. Think I should complain?

Things I have learned today

2008-04-04T09:27:00.001-04:00

Cottage Cheese isn't the best idea for breakfast if you are lactose intolerant. (I'll be right back...)

Tagged by Beth...

2008-04-02T10:30:00.002-04:00

I don't normally do these things, but since she asked really nicely...

Four Things

4 Films I’d watch again (in no particular order)
1. Shawshank Redemption
2. Jaws
3. The Godfather
4. Porn

4 Places I’ve lived:
1. East Meadow, NY
2. Boulder, CO
3. Champaign, IL
4. Raleigh, NC

4 T.V. shows I watch:
1. Friday Night Lights
2. LOST
3. How I met your mother
4. Boston Legal

4 Things to eat:
1. Mexican
2. Italian
3. Chinese
4. Hot Wings

4 Places I’d rather be:
1. In bed
2. Somewhere with palm trees
3. The Mediterranian
4. At the rink

4 People to tag:
1. ***censored***
2. ***censored***
3. ***censored***
4. ***censored***

I censored the tagged people (ok I didn't really censor their names, I just wrote ***censored***) because I don't want anyone to feel obligated to play along.

The Tampa trip

2008-04-01T10:09:00.003-04:00

Hmm, let's see. What happened down there?

K, T1, T2, and I went to the Tampa Aquarium. We watched a Tampa sunset over the ocean. We drank Pina Coladas. We visited the Ringling Museum. We ate out (a lot). We frequented a few drinking establishments. We went Ghost hunting. We sang Karaoke. (OK, so K sang Karaoke. I cheered her on.)

Oh, and we got to tell her friends and family that we got engaged.

April Fool!

Or not.

Take closer look at that picture and make your own determination. *grin*

More fun at the Car Dealership

2008-03-31T16:13:00.004-04:00

First of all, I want to apologize for the lack of updates. I didn't get a chance to leave a post about the fact that I was going to Florida for Spring Break with K.

Anyway, I'm back now. Miss me? Or did you even know I was gone?

Back to the story. I had planned on taking my car to Tampa which had a lot to do with the reasoning behind me getting the 30K service done while my dash was being replaced. I was off work last Friday for Good Friday, and while running normal errands I had turned on my Air Conditioner only to notice it wasn't working. Considering it worked perfectly prior to this whole fiasco, I was less pleased than I was previously.

I called the dealership and told them that they needed to get my car fixed immediately because I would not be driving a car to Florida that didn't have any A/C. They hummed and hawwed a bit and went on about having other cars ahead of me so they wouldn't be able to get to me in time. Finally after I threatened a few people and reminded them that I was actually in there for service before any of these people and they needed to finish the work on my car before going on to someone else did they finally give in and get me a Saturday AM appointment.

Fine, whatever.

So Saturday morning I get over there, and after about an hour they tell me they discovered the problem was a blown fuse. They said that when they replaced the fuse the A/C started working again. I was glad it was something fairly simple so I got in my car and started home. I turned on the A/C to make sure it was working properly.

It did. For about 15 seconds. Then it stopped again.

I hadn't even gotten out of the dealership parking lot yet before I had turned around and went back. Figuring it was going to take a while, I had K come pick me up and we planned to return later that morning to get my car. Well, by 4pm the service department wasn't finished yet. I was more than pissed off and insisted they get me something else to drive for the trip. They came back and said they didn't have any loaner cars left and Enterprise Rent-A-Car was closed. I asked to talk to the manager so he came into the service area to tell me there was nothing they could do since I hadn't bought my car at that dealership.

That was not going to fly with me.

I let him leave the service area, then followed him back into the showroom where I told him that he was going to find me a car to drive. I said I really didn't care where I bought my car, the reason it was broken was because his service techs screwed up. And I told him that if he didn't find me a car, I was going to have a scene in his showroom where all his potential customers were going to hear about how he runs things in his service department.

He agreed to get us a car.

It took a while and calls to quite a few rental places but they found us one.

I told them I would be out of town for about a week and they needed everything done and finished, including the Electronic Stability Control sensor switch they broke previously, by the time I got back. They promised it would be.

So to make a long story short, I get several calls over the week updating me on the status - including the fact that they are replacing the entire A/C compressor because they blew it out testing things. At this point I didn't care what they did, I just wanted everything back perfect by the time I returned this morning. They again promised me it would be.

Yet when I got there this morning, it wasn't.

So once I leave work for the day I need to stop by there yet again to find out if it's finished. I'm really considering asking for a full refund for all the other work they did for this inconvenience. The only reason I might not is because the car they gave me to take to Florida was a Mazda CX-7 SUV. And damn if that thing didn't get 32mpg for the trip. That's incredible for an SUV and it saved me a bunch of money in gas, not to mention the fact that I didn't have to put 2000 miles on my car in a week.

It still doesn't make things right, but it helps...

More Urology stuff

2008-03-23T14:23:00.002-04:00

Warning: Way too much information ahead. If you don't wanna know, skip this post!

OK - I've satified the censors so now I can move ahead with the story. Last month I wrote about my Urology appointment, and earlier this week I finally got back into see him. The previous test results had come up clean, but there were still 8 or 9 red blood cells per part in my urine, whatever that means, so he decided he wanted to do a CT scan.

Thursday was the day. I get to the office and this nurse brings me back into the room. There's a giant donut looking machine in the middle, and a table next to it. The nurse looks at me and says I need you to drop your pants to around your knees and get up on the bed.

I do so, and she say "Put your underwear back on, I didn't mean that!"

Dammit. I tried...

She continued that she just needed my jeans lowered so the zipper didn't appear in the pictures. Anyway, I hop up on this table and the bed keeps sliding in and out of the donut - which in itself is pretty phallic if you think about it. The whole thing took about 10 minutes and I was out of there. They told me to show back up at 11 o'clock the next day to get my results.

So Friday I get to the office, and this time my doctor meets with me. He's got a laptop with him and he says "I have good news and I have some bad news." Bad news is nothing you ever want to hear come out of your doctor's mouth. I'm thinking cancer ridden bladder tumors that are going to cause my penis to fall of within the week.

He starts up the video of my CT scan results and says the "good news" is that the CAT scan looks perfect. He shows me my kidneys, my liver, my bladder. Everything. He says there's nothing out of the ordinary.

I'm like "Ok...... So what's the bad news?"

He said "Well, we still don't know what's causing the bleeding, so as long as you are here, we're going to do a cystoscopy."

"Holy Crap! Is that the thing where you shove an entire camcorder down my penis hole?"

"Yep. I told you it was bad news."

And then he called in one of his nurses to take me to another room he already had prepped. As she's walking me down the hall, she must have seen how white I looked, and she said "Don't worry, it isn't THAT horrible."

I just looked at her and said "I don't care how much emphasis you put on the word THAT, you still used the word HORRIBLE in connection with this procedure."

She said "I'm sorry, but it does suck..."

Great...

Anyway, she leaves me in this room and tells me another nurse will be there in a few moments to give me further instructions and prep. And a few minutes later this very young, attractive black woman walks in. She says "I need to take your off your pants and hop up on the table."

I was trying to put on a brave face by being a wiseass and said "Do I get to take off my underwear this time? The nurse that took my CT scan wouldn't let me!"

She said "Yes you do. Here's a blanket, I'll give you some privacy and you get yourself situated. I'll be right back."

So I strip off my clothes and hop up on the table and cover myself with the blanket. And a moment later the nurse comes back in. She says "Are you comfortable?"

I said I was, so she said "Good, I'm going to prep you now with some moist towellettes." Then she peeled back the blanket and started wiping off my crotch with them.

I said "You know, if I knew you were going to be doing that, I wouldn't have made you leave while I got undressed."

She said "I get that alot." as she continued to lift and readjust me as she wiped me down.

So I said "I'm sorry, but it's usually a lot more attentive when a woman is playing with it."

She said "I get that alot too. I'm used to it by now. It doesn't hurt my feelings anymore."

At which point my entire joke collection was shot. She sensed I was out of material and broke out some of her own. "Seen any good movies recently?"

I said "I bet you say that to all the guys."

"Yup, it helps break the ice while I attach the penis stand."

"The WHAT???"

"The clamp that's going to hold you pointed upward while the camera goes inside. It also helps me keep it in place when I inject the numbing gel like I'm going to do right now."

I looked down, and the only way I could explain the image was to think of a mini-basketball hoop that I was attached to, and then while I'm still grasping that idea, she's got this plastic syringe in her hand that she injected into the tip. Wow, that was an odd sensation. I'm not used to stuff going the other way.

After she was done, she said "It was nice meeting you" and she left. I never saw her again. But I think she went out into the hall and began pumping the Darth Vadar music over the loudspeakers. Because shortly thereafter the doctor came back in and said "Are you ready?"

I said "Would it help if I said NO?"

He said "No."

Dammit.

And then it began. And I won't blog about it. And I won't describe it. And all I can say is that thankfully it only took about 2 minutes. And when it was over he said "Everything looked OK."

Basically he said all he saw some calcified pockets that he would expect from patients who had previously passed kidney stones. He said that could be the cause, but he still didn't know. So for now he said not to worry about it. We'll revisit the issue in about 6 months.

Anyway, that's my story. For now...

Do the test

2008-03-19T16:14:00.002-04:00

How many passes does the White Team make?

Take the test and let me know how you did!

Fun at the car dealership

2008-03-19T11:46:00.002-04:00

I got to work about 5 minutes late after fully expecting to be about an hour early because I just got back from the car dealership. Let me say this now, service departments everywhere just suck.

Last week I was getting into my car after lunch one day and something out of the corner of my eye just didn't look right. Glancing over to the dashboard on the passenger side, I see this 8 inch long slice along the top. It was perfectly straight and basically looked someone took a razorblade to it. My first thought was that when I get home, I was going to figure out which kid used my dashboard as a table when using an X-Acto knife to cut a school project. This was still a pretty darn new car and the responsible child would not reach their next birthday.

On the way back to my office I was just pissed. And I kept looking at the cut. But about halfway home, I realized that slice looked like it was right over where the passenger airbag would be. I remember thinking "that's strange." So I held off on my plans to kill one of my children and instead pulled into the car dealership about a block away. I get into the service department and when they ask me what's wrong, I said I may have a new one for you. My dashboard cracked. He said "over the passenger airbag area?" I said "Yes! So you've seen this before?" (More relieved that he didn't think I did it than bothered by the fact that cracking dashboards is a common thing.) He said "Not often - this is our 3rd one in about 2 years but it happens." He went on to say that it's fully covered by warranty but they'll need to order the replacement dash.

Then last Friday they called to tell me it was in so I made an appointment to come in first thing Monday morning. When I got there, I knew I needed an oil change and a tire rotation so I looked at their price sheet. Dealer prices are higher, but the car was already there and it would save me a trip. But then while I was looking at the sheets I realized the car was almost due for its 30K service. It was a bunch more money, but I plan to keep the car for a while so I had them do it since it included the oil change and rotation anyway. So I sucked it up and signed the order.

Anyway, 4pm Monday rolls around and I get a call from the dealer that the replacement dash had come in damaged and so they couldn't finish the car. They assured me they would have a new one in their hands the next day and they would get me a rental car to drive home. Once I said OK, they said they would call Enterprise Rent-A-Car to come pick me up at my office at 4:45 to get me my car. Well at 5:15 nobody showed up so I called Enterprise. They said there was some mistake. They said they told the dealership that they were out of cars and didn't have anything for me.

Thankfully I was able to bum a ride over to the dealer. I was greeted by one of the service guys who apologized for the inconvenience then walked away. I was like... "Umm, how am I going to get home now?" He told me they were trying to find other rentals but nobody seemed to have any cars left. I asked how come the dealer didn't have any loaners. He said "Oh, we do. But those are only for people who bought their cars from our dealership." (I had bought my car from a different dealership even though this place was closer because I had gotten a great deal from a friend.) Anyway, I was pissed and made him get me the manager, who after a bit of negotiation acted like he was doing me a huge favor. He said "Well, you're lucky - we don't normally do this, but I have one loaner left." It was a smaller car than I drive, but it would get me home. So whatever.

Then the next day I get a call from them that the dash came in late and they wouldn't have it done in time. Could I just come back this morning. Again, whatever. I had plenty of errands to run and I would just get them all done using their gas.

So this morning I get to the dealer and they pull my car around. I immediately notice the dashboard seam wasn't sealed. They didn't attach the trim in between the dash and the metal frame. Not only was it obviously very loose and saggy, but without it in proper position the parts would rub together and rattle. I dragged the service manager back out and pointed out their shoddy work.

So they pulled the car back in and spent 20 minutes fixing that. Then when they came back out, he said "Oh, one more thing. We accidentally broke your Stability Control Sensor and the light is staying on. We don't have a replacement in stock so we ordered you a new one and it will be here next week. But the good news is we have confirmed your stability control is still working though." I pointed out to him that since the Stability Control is turned on and off via a button on the dash, yet the light remains on all the time, how am I supposed to know if it's on or off even if it is working. He couldn't answer me. Fun, huh?

I said nevermind. Just call me when the part gets here. Then we went inside to pay for the other service and they wanted to do was to charge me full price for maintenance I had done. I said forget it, they owed me some sort of discount since it took them 3 days to do a job that should only have taken several hours and I have to come back again to fix the sensor. The manager said he couldn't offer a discount because "We didn't charge you for the loaner, and you weren't supposed to get one."

I was pissed again. "So that's supposed to make it OK, you aren't charging me for using a smaller car than my own? One that I would not have needed if you guys would had inspected the parts last week when they came in instead of waiting until you were going to put them on before you noticed they were damaged?" He said they never inspect the parts until they go to use them. And so I told him that's why they have these problems. So he talked to his manager and they knocked off 10%. Not much, but something. It just wasn't worth arguing for more...

The best speech on race relations since MLK

2008-03-18T23:49:00.002-04:00

The best speech on race relations since MLK was just given by Barack Obama. If you didn't hear it, please take the 30 minutes it takes to watch. You're watching history, and I believe you are watching the next President of the United States.

What is she saying to me?

2008-03-18T10:09:00.002-04:00

K just sent me this e-mail:

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN:
Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her.Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN:
Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.

What does that mean? Am I supposed to be doing more? Or should I quit complaining if I wanted a beer and some bleu cheese to go with the wings?

Playmobil Security Check-Point

2008-03-10T15:58:00.005-04:00

I was going to make a joke or two, but I couldn't come up with anything better than some of the comments already added...

From Amazon.com: (Click link) Playmobil Security Checkpoint

How to piss off your boss

2008-03-07T10:14:00.004-05:00

The downside to Disney

2008-03-06T10:15:00.003-05:00

Yes, there is a downside to Disney. More specifically, there is a downside to Radio Disney. Radio Disney is one of the channels on Sirius radio. One of the channels I didn't know existed before K came along.

You see, K has Sirius radio in her car as well. And my life went downhill after DQ rode home from a restaurant with K and T2 one evening. K and T2 introduced DQ to this music station and they were all jamming out to it. The boys were in my car with me, and we spent the ride home watching them in the car ahead of doing their best impression the Bohemian Rhapsody scene from Waynes world. Anyway, since that day whenever DQ is in the car with me she is trying to switch my radio over to that channel.

This morning was no exception. DQ gets in the car with me and immediately switches the station to Radio Disney. Her school is only 3 blocks away so I didn't argue. I figure I'd switch it back after I dropped her off.

But I toned out the music and forgot.

I drive all the way to work with it on. It's only when I get to a traffic light by my office that I realize what I had done. I look over at the car next to me and it's some poor dude driving a mini-van. I give him the pity-stare that says "I feel your pain."

However to my surprise he's giving me that pity-stare right back. He catches the confused look on my face and says "You've got a pre-teen daughter too, huh?"

Yea that's right. I was sitting all by myself in my car with the window down listening to a Hannah Montana song.

That's embarressing...

He didn't make his saving throw...

2008-03-04T16:33:00.002-05:00

Gary Gygax, the founder of Dungeons & Dragons died today. Unless someone reading this is a cleric with the ability to raise the dead, it's a sad day for all table-top role-playing gamers...

Inspiration

2008-03-04T16:23:00.002-05:00

Guess what? I have found the inspiration for the FireFox logo...

I suck at photography

2008-03-04T16:12:00.003-05:00

These pictures by no means do justice to the bathroom work, but they're the best I got. Sorry they suck. I didn't get the old light fixtures, and you can't really tell about the tile since I forgot to remove the bathmat. Oh well.

Sink area - old:

Sink area - new:

Shower area - old:

Shower area - new:

Women in the workplace

2008-02-29T10:26:00.004-05:00

Occasionally at work, someone will have a birthday. In celebration, one of the administrative assistants will buy a cake and a goofy card and we pretend like we don't know that the birthday person knows we have a cake and a card even though we do it for everyone, every year. But, it's an excuse to get away from the desk and computers for a few minutes, so we all play along.

Well, most of you know that my department is almost exclusively women. And when our Vice President is out of town, I'm the lone torch bearer, so to speak. Which is kind of cool on occasion since in each one of these gatherings I get further insight into what women really talk about when guys aren't around. Because at these gatherings somehow I become totally invisible.

It's very enlightening. Take yesterday for example. One of the women, our department wiseass, brought up farts. (I thought only guys talked about those. But I was wrong.)

The conversation started out like this: "Chris and his Dad were working on the house last night when I came home and my whole house stunk. Each one was blaming the other and farting the whole time, 'No, it was him, brrrrrrrrrrrp', Chris calls that 'crop dusting', and I swear, I had to light seven candles. And not for the scent but to ward off the evil spirits escaping their ass. They need to change their diet."

A second woman piped up, "They need a colonic."

A third: "Have you ever seen those things? They always reminded me of-" she stopped very suddenly, all embarressed.

The wiseass egged her on: "What? What? WHAT? Remind you of what?"

"I can't," the third stammered. She looked at the ground as she whispered, "You know. Those things, I was a kid, it was in the shower and I always wondered what it was-"

So the wiseass finished for her: "A douche bag! I know! We had one too! I could not, for the life of me, figure out what the hell that thing was for!"

A couple of the women in the back looked over at me with pitiful stares. The rest were either laughing hysterically, or completely beet red.

But it didn't end there. "Well, that's how they made them back then, And I guess the moms kept them in the shower. Moms should really tell their kids that kind of stuff so, you don't, you know, blow on the tube thing like the bag is a weird balloon, because you have no clue."

Now the rest of the women - even the ones that were laughing - were beet red, yet still trying to laugh.

"Not that I ever did that. Because that would be, eww, that would be, that's just gross. I never did that."

Then while she was looking around satisfied at all the red faces she had created, she suddenly noticed me and remembered I was there too.

She looked at me and said "What? At least we all know my mom had a clean hoo haw!"

So. Who wants my job?

Almost 20 years later...

2008-02-29T09:18:00.005-05:00

Anyone remember the Exxon Valdez, the single hulled tanker and it's drunk Captain, which ran aground and caused the 3,000 square mile oil slick that destroyed miles of Alaska's coastline and still affects fisheries after almost 2 decades?

Well, almost 20 years later the punitive damage part of the case has finally reached the Supreme Court. Lower courts have required that Exxon Mobile pay $2.5B to about 32,000 Alaskan fisherman and business, which equates to about $75,000 a piece.

Exxon claims this amounts to excessive punishment. (Nevermind the $2.5B is equal to about 3 weeks of income.) According to the New York Times, if the plaintiffs could just hold on to four votes, they would win the case. Since Justice Alito is not participating because he owns Exxon Mobile stock, a tie would affirm the appeals court’s judgment.

But what is sad is that the case is this close. It is living proof of what people feared when the neo-cons were permitted to appoint Justices to the court. Gone are the rights of the people, and in it's place are the rights of corporations to make profits. In fact yesterday it appeared that Chief Justice Roberts was actually blatantly defending Exxon. During oral arguments, Roberts stopped the plaintiff's attorney to ask “So what can a corporation do to protect itself against punitive-damages awards such as this?”

The lawyer responded “Well, it can hire fit and competent people.” The sound of laughter rippled through the courtroom, and the chief justice did not look amused.

People see through Roberts. He is intellectually dishonest. He rules not as an impartial judge, but as a Republican foot soldier. He does not do the people’s bidding, but instead uses each ruling as an attempt to impose this ideology on the country. His goal is not to serve as judge, but to shape society. He is the ultimate activist judge, installed to a life term in the highest court of the land.

At what point did the health of our planet, our country, the environment, and the well being of our citizens and small businesses take the backseat to big corporate greed? It's truly sad.

Be Mine

2008-02-26T11:57:00.002-05:00

Be Mine, by David Gray.

K just sent me this song. I never heard it before, but it's now my new favorite.

From the very first moment I saw you
That's when I knew
All the dreams I held in my heart
Had suddenly come true
Knock me over stone cold sober
Not a thing I could say or do
Cause baby when I'm walking with you now
My eyes are so wide
Like you reached right into my head
And turned on the light inside
Turning on the light
Inside my mind... yea...

Come on baby it's all right
Sunday, Monday, day or night
Written blue on white, it's plain to see

Be mine, be mine!
Rainy, shiny, night or day
What's the difference anyway
Honey 'til your heart belongs to me

If I had some influence, girl
With the powers that be
I'd have them fire that arrow at you
Like they fired it right at me
Maybe when your heart and soul are burning
You might see
That every time I'm talking with you
It's always over too soon
That every day feels so incomplete
'Til you walk into the room
Say the word now, girl
I'll jump that moon... yea...

Come on baby it's OK
Rainy, shiny, night or day
There's nothing in the way now
Don't you see

Be mine, be mine!
Winter, summer, day or night
Centigrade or Fahrenheit
Baby 'til your heart belongs to me

Be Mine, Be mine
Thursday, Friday, short or long
When you got a love so strong
How can it be wrong now? Mercy me

Be Mine, Be mine
Jumpin' Jesus, holy cow!
What's the difference anyhow
Baby 'til your heart belongs to me

On fire, my body's on fire, my body's on fire,
My body's on fire, now run to my side, mmm mmm
Be Mine, be mine

Used Teenager for adoption

2008-02-25T14:51:00.002-05:00

Cheap. I'll even waive all the fees. Just saying...

GB is grounded for 3 weeks. Behavior modification is required, especially in the area of respect. I'll spare you the details.

Remodeling Update

2008-02-25T14:45:00.003-05:00

Yes, the project got underway. The main painting is done, the tile floor is in, (I'm AWESOME!) the light fixtures have been swapped out, the ~~curtains~~ curtain has been changed, the new pictures have been hung, and the rest of the decorating is complete.

What's left to do is painting the baseboards, all the recaulking, and adding a shim under one corner of the bathroom counter that has dropped a quarter inch.

Pictures to follow when everything is complete. And lucky you. I even remembered to take "before" pictures as well!

Jimmy Kimmel's Revenge

2008-02-25T11:21:00.003-05:00

If you're a fan of either the Jimmy Kimmel show or the Sarah Silverman Show, you're going to enjoy this. Keep an eye out for all the cameos...

Alcohol free Doritos please?

2008-02-25T10:51:00.002-05:00

I was reading an interesting article this morning, where Muslims were furious that certain varieties of Doritos contained trace amounts of alchohol.

All I could think about while reading the article was Geez, if you don't like it, don't eat them!! Seriously, if they didn't blow up people who disagreed with them, Muslims would be pretty funny. (If you're a Muslim reading this, please don't blow me up!)

On a semi-related note, Islam isn't all bad. Here are 9 Fatwas we can get behind.

Remodeling Project #1

2008-02-21T09:14:00.003-05:00

Brace yourself, I'm planning to do some manual labor! Yes, that's right. Me!

I'm going to redo my master bathroom. I'm going to paint the entire room, repaint the trim, recaulk the tub, toilet, windows, and counters, refloor the room, and swap out the light fixtures. I'm serious!!!

But before you get yourself too worried, I will have some help.

From Martha Stewart.

OK, so it won't really be Martha. But in her place it will be her long lost kid sister, K. Get this, under her guidance we went shopping Tuesday night for all the remodelling supplies and lighting fixtures, plus a complete set of towels new towels, a bathmat, countertop accessories, and a shower curtain to match the new paint color and kept it under my self imposed budget of $125. No shit!!!

I'm keeping this woman.

Lunar Eclipse

2008-02-21T08:42:00.004-05:00

The last total lunar eclipse until 2010 occurred last night, with cameo appearances by Saturn and the bright star Regulus on either side of the veiled full moon.

Supposedly, if you had a telescope you could even see Saturn's rings. Unfortunately I didn't so I missed out on that, but that didn't mean the night was a total loss...

10 Victories in a Row

2008-02-20T08:57:00.008-05:00

After Obama swept the Wisconsin and Hawaii primaries yesterday, it gave him 10 straight victories over Hillary - something I did not believe possible only a month ago. And as far as I am concerned, this is GOOD THING (TM) because I am still supporting Obama as the "best of the rest" of the candidates. He is the only one from either side that is truly offering a fresh start to the White House (for better or worse). I will freely admit that I am not convinced yet that Obama is ready for the office. And I will also admit I do not agree with several of his positions on major issues. But it's worth the risk because McCain abandoned his circa-2000 moderate stance and sold his soul to the far right in return for their support. And Clinton sold her soul to all the super-delegates in her attempt to keep up with Obama.

If either of those two win, they will be so beholden to all the favors they promised that nothing but those special interests will be addressed. In fact all those promises had me quite afraid that the Clinton political machine could not be stopped.

My point is that both Clinton and McCain are bought and paid for and offer nothing but more of the same. Can Obama really offer change? I hope so, since he really is our only hope FOR change. And we need change, even if I disagree with some of his political stances. It's more important to clean up the White House than it is to agree on every issue.

As for the other candidates, they simply aren't viable.

Sorry Huckabee, but running on a religious platform in a country that believes in the separation of Church and State is not going to work. Yes, you found yourself a nice niche and have some ardent supporters, but not enough to be mainstream.

Sorry Ron Paul. You honestly had the best platform of any candidate from either party left standing after Super Tuesday. You would have had my vote, but you lacked the backbone to defend yourself from the ridicule that came from being a Republican and a Constitutionalist with an anti-war stance. If you stood up and fought for your beliefs, not only would you have forced the media to listen to you, but you would have proven you could be the strong leader required to be President. Instead you remained meekly in the background and let people like Mitt Romney literally laugh at you during the debates and on the airwaves knowing full well you wouldn't bite back. That's not presidential. That's sad.

Is it possible for me to change my mind and vote for someone else? Absolutely, if Bloomberg decides to run...

About Last Night

2008-02-15T14:16:00.003-05:00

For ~~all my fans~~ ~~my dedicated readers~~ mom, Valentine's day was absolutely wonderful. Apparently K cancelling the dinner last night because she was sick was never really an option. She spent the entire afternoon preparing. When I got to her house around 6pm, the dining room was decked out to the hilt. The windows were covered with Valentine clingys, the arms of the chandelier over the table had hearts hanging down, and she even made hand-cut hearts that she had spread out all over the table that she made from construction paper.

Oh, and to put all that to shame, she baked an incredible New York Cheesecake from scratch. It was topped with fresh Strawberries and Raspberries and she made a berry glaze with pureed fruit and some strawberry dessert wine.

We spent the early part of the evening in her kitchen talking and cooking. She's an amazing cook. She put me to work dicing the shallots, pulling the thyme leaves off the stems, and taking care of the filets - the menial work. And while I was doing that, she made this incredible hot bacon dressing for the spinach salad, and this mushroom and gorgonzola sauce to pour over the filets. It was one of the best meals I have ever eaten. I'm keeping her!

After dinner, it was still pretty early but we retired to the bedroom anyway. She lit some candles and snuck off to put on some lingerie and while she did that I changed into my red bow from her recipe list. She must have not thought I was going to follow through because I don't think I have ever seen someone laugh so hard in my life. As for the rest of the night, I'll spare you the details.

Doctor's Appointment

2008-02-15T11:19:00.002-05:00

I had a doctor's appointment this AM with a Urologist. This was a referral from my regular doctor who tests my liver every three months because I take Lipitor for cholesterol. Well the last two times I was at my regular doctor, my urine test results would come back fine but there was always a touch of blood in there. After the third straight visit with this result, he shipped me off.

So this morning I get to the urologist's office and everything starts as expected. The nurse checks my height, weight, blood pressure, and temperature. Then she has me go pee in a cup and ships me off to an exam room to wait for the doctor. I figure he'd go through the results and the causes and I'll be on my way.

Wrong.

He comes in and says, "I see the blood in the urine your doctor was talking about so I'm going to send it off for DNA analysis and make sure your parents are who they say they are." (Actually, that wasn't exactly what he said they were testing for, but the medical terms are eluding me. I do recall him using the word microanalysis though.)

I say, "OK, that's fine. So what do you think it is?"

He says "I have no idea. Drop your drawers and lets find out."

Umm. Yea... OK.

So I drop my pants and he begins examining me. The first thing he said was "Whoever did your vasectomy seems to have done it quite tight. Has it been affecting your sexual performance at all?"

I told him I wasn't turned on by him if that was what he was asking.

Apparantly that wasn't the correct answer because he told me to turn around and then shoved his entire hand up my butt. "Prostate's fine!" He announced.

The rest of me wasn't anymore though. "A little bit of warning would have been nice!" I responded. Wow. That was an unfun experience.

After telling me everything looked fine, he said he suspected that I have a kidney stone and either it's too small to bother me or I have a really high pain threshold. He said depending on how the results on the urine came back he would send me in for an X-Ray to check for kidney stones. And if that came back negative, we'd have to begin discussion about more unpleasant tests.

"More unpleasant that you shoving your hand up my butt?"

"Yea, how does a camera up your urethra sound?"

"I don't think this relationship is working out as I hoped. I really don't like you very much anymore."

"Nobody does. I'll call you next week with your test results. Here's some tissues, go wipe the lube off your ass..."

So much for a simple doctor's appointment.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2008-02-14T10:04:00.004-05:00

I hope you and yours are all doing something special.

As for me, it's a bit up in the air at the moment since K has been sick. She went home from work on Monday and hasn't been back to the office since. She left me a note this morning that she felt worse this morning and is headed to the doctor. So we'll see how it goes. If she's feeling better, we have plans for me to cook her dinner tonight. We made those plans last week and as soon as I told her what I wanted to do, she sent me a grocery list:

2 filet mignons
container of dried porcini mushrooms
6 shallots
fresh thyme leaves
1/4 cup dry white wine - bottle of chardonnay.
small container of Gorgonzola cheese
bag of spinach for salad
bottle of merlot
small bag of walnuts
you wearing nothing but a red bow

I don't know whether to be insulted that she didn't trust me not to make Mac & Cheese, or to be thrilled she knows me so well! (I'll go with the latter!) Anyway, hopefully she's feeling better. Otherwise we'll have to do it some other night.

Cheers everyone, and once again: Happy Valentine's Day!

McCain votes against Waterboarding Ban

2008-02-14T09:35:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, the Senate brought the Intelligence Authorization Bill to the floor, which contained a provision establishing one interrogation standard across the government. The bill requires the intelligence community to abide by the same standards as articulated in the Army Field Manual and specifically bans waterboarding.

The Senate voted in favor of the bill, but McCain (who in the past has spoken strongly in favor of implementing the Army Field Manual standard) when confronted with the decision of whether to stick with his conscience or cave to the right wing, chose to ditch his principles and instead vote to preserve waterboarding.

President Bush is likely to veto this bill under the guise that it would prevent the president from taking the lawful actions necessary to protect Americans from attack in wartime. And after the veto, McCain will again be confronted with a vote to either stand with President Bush or stand against torture. He indicated with his vote today where he will come down on that issue.

John McCain: He was against torture before he was for it.